Craving Redemption
by BlueEyesRedWrists
Summary: The follow-up on Craving seduction. After the events that followed, look into the future of Bella and Carlisle to see if theirs collide?
1. Chapter 1

A/N – This is the second part of the craving series, if you haven't red it, I advise you to read the first part – Craving Seduction.

Anyway, I am back with the story, please do enjoy!

Carlisle's POV

She was smoking her cigarette, which looked elegant and slightly inviting from afar, but made your nostrils flare and cringe at the smell, when you walked closer to her. That single thing about her, made her pale figure her less attractive.

And I didn't need this right now. Not right after the whole Bella thing.

What the fuck happened? I was such a mess. Such a fuck up.

I thought that we had fun. I thought that she liked US ... I thought that she needed me.

And at the back of my mind I heard a little voice going _She did though. She liked it all more than you thought she did. But you need her more that she needs you_. And, I should have known.

The grand question was – Did I? At the start I didn't want to say yes, yet I didn't want to deny it either. Now I didn't know where I stood with all of this big, unuseful information. I know she wanted to know what we were, and at the time I didn't, because I thought it was unnecessary for us. That it would complicate things. Now I was starting to wonder myself. It was keeping me up at nights, making me feel less than a human.

„Damn, Carlisle. You look rough. Shitty nights rest or what? Do you want one of these?" her voice was clear and held the needed authoritarianism to it, as she showed me a pack of her cigarettes.

„No, Tanya, I don't smoke. You know that." I said taking a seat next to my cousin.

„Maybe you should start." She laughed at me „Take the edge off."

„I can't deal with Renee, Tanya. I'm so happy you're here." Since Edward told me that he wanted to move in with his mother, after the graduation, in the most uneasy tone possible, the fear that he knew about me and Bella had crept up.

I did see a silhouette of someone when I talked to Bella that time, but I knew Alice was sleeping and Edward was out. But what if? And as graduation had passed, Renee was all over the place. It was overwhelming.

I had asked him if he was sure, and if he wanted to- it was only his choice „It is. I'm sure. And, please don't tell Alice. I want to do it myself." Was his only request and I respected him and did as he had asked me.

„You've been too single for too long, Carlisle." She snorted and called for the bartender, to fill up her empty glass „Just put yourself out there. You're a lovable guy, Carlisle."

But I wasn't.

I should have known she would leave me.

Bella's POV

Crying to sleep wasn't ideal for me, so that's why I had to get over him. And as fast as humanly possible.

I didn't need maybe's and later's in my life. I wanted to live and I wanted to do something with my life. And, I didn't need to be hung up on a guy. Even if he was my friend's dad.

So, that's why I started to study my ass off. I needed to get out of New York. I wanted something warmer and something more approachable. Was that a definition of what kind of a man I wanted in my life? Maybe. Approachable was definitely it.

I was sad, but I drowned it in my studies. Charlie noticed, but I knew he was writing that off on the whole Edward thing. As did all of my friends. But, the interesting thing was that it seemed that Edward was avoiding me. Maybe he was just embarrassed after I told him that I knew about Jessica. They had become the schools talked about couple. They turned heads in the whole school.

Good for them, I guess.

After a month some shit went down. Right before Christmas, which made the season more distressed for everyone.

The neighbors of Alice's wanted to sue, but Charlie was with the Cullen family on this one and he helped. A lot. He also lied to them. A lot. But they didn't have a real case and so, she was soon free. She wanted to throw a party, but then thought twice about it. Maybe in someone else's home.

Also, Edward had something to say to us. We were all hanging out at my place because I had offered. We wanted to chill out and just relax, and my place was free because Christmas season was busy for cops.

Jessica had joined Edward and she was sitting on his lap, glaring at me the whole way. I wanted to say to her to take her hateful stare party somewhere else because I was the one who told your boyfriend to treat you better. I tried to ignore her as much as possible, when Edward said „After graduation, I'm leaving to live with my mom."

All of us gaped at him, and Alice had lost her shit over that one.

She started to scream at him „What the hell is wrong with you? We had a fucking plan!" that they did. We all did, actually. To stay in NYC.

But it only seemed a better decision to leave this city. Make new memories and forget the old ones.

„Life doesn't work out like that, Alice." It was all he said. We didn't know if Jessica was going with him or staying here, but no one really wanted to ask the question because Jessica had been a snow queen not only to me, but everyone else as well. But the idea, we later found out was that yes, they were both leaving.

I offered to make some drinks because Alice's heart would be more broken when she would find out that I wasn't staying in NYC as well, and tonight seemed like the night to break it to her. Emmett, the new guy, who had started to date Rosalie, offered to help me. I didn't deny the help because I needed it. Also, it was a little awkward for me to be the only single one in the bunch because Jasper was with Alice. Jasper was grateful for me, but as their relationship was a bit strained, he stayed with her.

„So," he started like I knew he would. Of course he would want to talk, to ask something he couldn't, or wouldn't to the whole group „ you and Edward were together?" he asked, even if he knew the answer.

„Yup."

„Isn't it bothering you that he and his new girlfriend are sitting together in your living room, saying that they are planning to move and live a happy, happy life? "

I smiled. He was slowly becoming a brother I never had „That's nice of you to wonder. But the answer is- no." I did do something much more worse than that „He is right – life doesn't work out like you plan it to sometimes." Fucking Carlisle „And to be honest, I was so unhappy in that relationship." he laughed with me.

„So, where are you thinking to apply to? " he asked me, in a whisper „I'm taking it that you're not staying here?"

I realised as he asked me that it was in my own hands to make my happiness. That it was I who molded it.

I had a chance to start my life new and without heartbreak.


	2. Chapter 2

Life wasn't fair. That's what I've been trying to tell myself that life wasn't fair and it wasn't here to please you. When, in reality I was the shitty person, who didn't buy the plain tickets in time and was stuck with the over priced ticket, if I wanted to get home from California. I wanted to be angry at other people, but I knew I was at fault. Plus, I couldn't really stay in the university, could I?

I worked so hard, to get the money and now I had to spend it on plane tickets? Jesus. All those hours, grammar checking and writing other people's essays and term papers just so I could buy a stinking plane ticket.

I needed to talk to someone, so my angry self wouldn't explode inside me. I called Rosalie „Did you buy them?" she asked the first thing. I guess she was angrier than I was.

„They are so expensive Rose." I mumbled slowly as I was looking at the price.

„Well, do you want to go home or not?" she asked in an annoyed voice.

Rosalie, Emmett and I ended getting into the same university. Different courses, but at least the same area. Rosalie and Emmet had bought the tickets home back in September for the winter break. The flight was a week away and if I wanted to make it in that same plane with them, I did have to buy the ticket.

„I don't know if I really want to, but I am going to." I said as I clicked the online button to buy the ticket „I'm just going to be single as fuck, this year. I mean, in others eyes I was also last year, but you know..." I mumbled on. Ah, the Carlisle thing. After all this time, after a year, he was still a thing. I didn't have to transfer to university so far away, but he was kind of the reason that I did though.

We did encounter one time after the split up. At the graduation. We even took a picture together. Well, not just the two of us – a picture with our families. It was too awkward when he asked where I was going to study. The look on his face was heartbreaking. I ignored that as good as I could, and tried and not read into that. So, I didn't really want to meet him, it would be too painful, but who said that I had to.

„Bella, just bring James with you." Rosalie knew about Carlisle and everything. She was supportive of me, but did say that these things don't last. I'm glad that she didn't laugh in my face or something and say that I was at fault. Or that Carlisle was at fault. Because really, we both were.

„He is actually supposed to be here now." I declared to her. James was a ... 'friend'. We were 'study buddies'. Okay, so actually we fucked. I needed to get Carlisle out of my system with someone. I had slept with three different guys, including James. The difference between men and boys was astonishing to me! James knew his far better than the rest of them, so we kept 'in touch'. I liked it that way. And, neither of us wanted anything more that just have sex so that worked, this time.

„So ask him today. It's not like he has somewhere else to be and you will have some fun while you're there. It'll make Charlie happy too." That was true. Charlie was asking me if I had a boyfriend all the time because he thought that I was sad because of Edward Cullen. I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't over another Cullen. A much older Cullen.

I sighed „Have you spoken to Alice?"

She wasn't pissed at us anymore that we were all scattered around the US. Alice herself and Jasper got in NYU, as they had planned. They still had some relationship issues, but we were slowly losing contact with her as well „I did text with her really briefly. I told her our arrival dates and she said that she'll see us when we get home. You think she's still angry?"

I bit my lip „I dunno. That would be pretty stupid though. Maybe she had another fight with Jasper?" Suddenly my door opened and there, shirtless only with a Christmas hat was James. I smiled „I got's to go Rose. Study session."

She snored „Too much info!"

I dropped my phone on my bed and jumped his bones „"Ho, ho, ho Isabella!"

After the 'study session' we were lying on the floor, gasping. That was too fast and I don't even know if I enjoyed myself, let alone had gotten off. My mind usually got lost, either way thinking too much or not at all.

I did muster up my courage, when he lit a cigarette „So, listen. Are you staying here? For Christmas break, I mean?"

He took a drag „I guess." He offered me the cigarette. I usually don't smoke, but I needed to feel a little lightheaded, if I was about to ask him.

I took it and before I took a drag myself I said „Do you know what? Why don't you come to NYC?" I didn't dare looking at him „It's not like that! We're still just friends. There's just an ex I don't want to see, but it's kind of hard because we have the same group of friends. And, I think it will be fun fucking in New York." I added.

I passed him the cigarette back „Bella, do you, umm, want to go out or something with me?" he asked unsure. Even after I said that it was platonic, he asked me that.

I tried to not make a face. I couldn't be with him. Not really because he wasn't as bright as I wanted my significant other to be „No. If I wanted to, you would know about it." I did let Carlisle know about it „I just don't want to come home looking like a loser who can't get back on the horse, you know? I don't want a relationship, I just want people to think I have one." I explained. It sounded so stupid and a little mean, but I wanted to show people that I was over Edward, and I wanted Carlisle to know that I had found someone else for me. It might have been a total lie, but they didn't need to know that.

After he passed me back the cigarette to finish, he said „Sure thing. I don't have anything else better to do. Might as well visit the big apple!" I cringed at those two last words. And, I don't know if it was because we had just had sex or if he really wanted to help me out, but I wasn't about to say something nasty to ruin this.

AN- Hey guys, I was feeling weird writing a sex scene without Carlisle in it. But if it's something you would want me to write, please feel free to say so!


	3. Chapter 3

When we stepped off our almost six hour flight, I was so tired and stressed completely out of my mind, my head felt like a zit that was about to pop. And, my sour mood let everyone know that on the flight, as I was snapping at everyone and being rude. They knew it was because I was scared of flying, but I still felt rather bad. Of course, I felt bad only when my feet were out of the plane.

„Do you need something for the headache?" Emmett asked me.

„No, thank you." I mumbled, slowly becoming polite again „I already took some on the plane." And it didn't help for shit, but I didn't want to drug myself out „Rose, do you see your mom anywhere?"

Rosalie's mom was picking us up from the airport. Emmett's parents were working as did Charlie, and James was living in California, so he couldn't even offer anyone to pick us up. And, Rosalie's mom was kind enough to take me and slightly drunk James to my apartment. If I dealt with my panic by being a total bitch, then James, as I learned just a couple hours ago, dealt with his panic in any intoxicating way he could.

Rosalie's mum wold drop me and James off at my place, and I think Emmett was to have a welcoming lunch at Rose's then, and a little later they were to go to Emmett's, to a welcome back late lunch, or something. It was honestly sweet, but I couldn't wait any longer because I needed MY shower and MY bed.

When we spotted her mom, and walked briskly in the freezing New York's air towards the car, Rose, James and I sat in the back, as Emmett's large form was seated easily in the front.

„Oh, I missed you my baby! When we're out of this car I'm gonna kiss you crazy! Ya' too Emmett – have you grown bigger? How was the flight?" Miss Hale started of as she put out of park and started to drive. She was a little snobby, as a New York house wife, but she was incredibly sweet and caring, and loving to her child and the people who cared about her child, and vice versa.

„I missed you too mum," she hugged her from behind the chair „The flight was alright in the end I guess. A lot of turbulence." A lot? It felt like the flight was only in turbulence, it was horrific. But I do agree with Rosalie, you don't really want to worry your parents, when everything is alright. And, it was – now.

„Oh, that's too bad. Well, you're all on land now!" she coo'ed us „And how are you Bella? I'm so happy to see that you've brought, um ..." she pursed her lips.

„James." I helped her „I'm fine, Miss Hale, just a headache from the plane." I looked at James to make a point See? They all need me to be in a relationship for me to seem happy.

She drove pretty quickly, ignoring some stop signs as she was speeding. Her excuse was that her babies were back in town, when Rosalie pointed it out. If only she knew the babies as well as she thought she did. Or, if she would open her eyes and ears a bit more. Maybe she was just nostalgic and missed us. It was great if you had a parent that cared. Even if it was one.

As James took our bags up and into the apartment, I finally felt at peace. I felt like taking a shower, eating and sleeping for the rest of the holidays. I don't know if bringing James here was such a grand idea because I wanted to be alone and relaxed right now.

I was still an okay hostess, when I showed him my room „This is where I sleep, fuck and relax." I pointed to my bed. I wanted to sound cool and nonchalant, but instead it made me sound young and stupid. I backtracked a bit saying „Make yourself at home, I'm going to take a shower and I want to sleep a bit before my dad gets home."

As I washed my body, trying to rid it of excess stress, I couldn't help but to feel the nostalgic feeling creeping up. So many memories, so much that I tried to forget. Or, rather fucking it out of my system.

It felt so bad at the start too – I felt like I was cheating on him. But I had to ask myself, who I was really cheating? Why did I care about a person who didn't care about me, clearly? So, the only person I was cheating, in that situation, was me.

Getting out of the shower, I pep talked myself – Don't down grade yourself Bella! Don't go there – you're worth so much more.

But, here I was, with my friend with benefits, making him pose as my boyfriend, to look superior in other people's eyes. I knew that I was actually doing this, so Carlisle would hear it. Maybe he would think that I was over him. Maybe it would make him jealous.

Maybe that would make me over him.

God, I sounded pathetic.

As I lay next to James, as he was looking at his instagram, I couldn't help but to lean into him „Are you tired?" he asked.

I was tired not only because of the flight here, but as well as this place was making me feel the crushed hope of last year „Yup. Really, thank you for coming and posing as my boyfriend. This is temporarily. And, so weird, but these people think that I need a boyfriend. And, I don't. "

„Yea, but why? It sounds as you're not over that person. What happened?" He put his phone down, his eyelids getting sleepy as well.

„Maybe I'm not." I admitted for the first time aloud „ Everything was so messy. I had three break ups. The first one, with my long-term boyfriend, so I could pursue another guy. The second one was with the first guy as well because the other guy and I didn't want things to go, um, public, so I kind of dated him again. But I found out that he liked this other girl, and so, we broke it off, again. And, the third one was with the second guy, as I realised that he cared about me only sex vise." It was the simplest explanation I could muster. James didn't know anything specific about my life and I wanted to keep it that way.

James was putting himself out here, for my sake. And, I owned him some kind of an explanation. Although I wouldn't tell him that it was with the said boyfriends dad. And, that things could have gone more messier.

„Fucked up, Isabella. But you good now?" I wondered if he asked because we had a casual relationship and he didn't want me to overstep it.

And I didn't, not with him anyway „Yea, I'm good. Everything forgotten." I lied „But, this place doesn't forget as easily. And, so even if I might have moved on, the assholes need to see it."

„Got it." He yawned.

I woke up as I heard boots entering the apartment. I made myself jump out of the bed, in my shorts and a t-shirt, not caring that it was slightly indecent and naked'y. I ran up to dad, hugging him greatly. I had missed my dad more than I would admit. Sneaking around him and the constant lying was driving us apart. At least it was driving me nuts.

„Oh, Bella!" he gushed happily as he saw me and hugged me back.

„Dad! I missed you!" I let him go „James is still sleeping, I think. The flight here could have gone better." I said.

„James's, your new boyfriend, right?" he asked in a confused tone. I don't blame him, for feeling confused because I only did tell him a couple of days ago that I would be bringing someone with me. But he did look hopeful.

As I was going to confirm this information, James stepped out of my room, with my ringing phone in hand „It's Rosalie." He stated simply as I took my phone.

As I picked up the phone, two steps away from them, I heard James introducing himself to my dad „What's up, Rose?"

„Hey, " she sounded breathless „Alice just rang, and she wants to know if we will go to dinner at her place tonight. Edward and Jessica aren't going to be here until the second day of Christmas, so I feel so guilty saying no. She said that she and Jasper are all alone tonight anyway. Please, you can't say no!"

I grunted. Alice had been short with us, and us saying no, would put such a strain on the relationship „Yea, sure. Let's make it around seven and we're in." I said in a defeated tone. We would have to have a light, early dinner here, before we would take off.

It was only three in the afternoon, but I was going to have to make something right now. As I walked back to the men in my life, who were making a small talk, I said „We need to be at Alice's around seven. But, I'll make something for us right now, okay? What do you say?" I chirped.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella's POV

 _Is he going to be there?_

I texted Rosalie as I picked out a dark purple bodycon dress. I know it was freezing outside and everything, but I needed to look my best, even if Carlisle wouldn't see me. The chances to meet him at his own home were huge, though. And, I didn't want to risk him seeing me in a none flattering dress, so I chose the sexiest I had. Also, I wanted to feel confident because I was going to se Alice in a really long time, and I'm pretty sure if she saw me looking good, she wouldn't be as angry.

Rosalie's text came only when James and I were putting on some boots and our coats. Probably because she didn't really want to reply with what she knew.

 _Alice didn't specify, but I think he does have a shift because she said that she was alone for the night._

It was nice that she knew about me and Carlisle. I know that it always seems like a bad thing when someone knows of person's indiscretions. Especially just as understanding as Rosalie Hale was. But, the secret did get out – only to Emmett, to my knowledge. But, it was what she needed, so it wasn't that bad. Rosalie had asked me for permission to tell him that because she needed him to know, in order to let him in. And, she did. And, all that Emmett said was „Well, you must have an amazing poker face because I would have never guessed that, Bella." He did ask me about guilt and Alice, and pretty much everything else. But, he didn't judge me. At least I didn't think he did. Maybe it was because of the intense love he had for Rosalie, maybe that's why he had to accept her friends, in order to be close to her.

Both of them knew and that was a lot easier on me.

James didn't know, and he didn't have to. For someone like him that would seem weird and disgusting. And, he was just someone I was fucking. Tonight would be awful because Alice and Jasper will ask about how we met and something.

We were at Alice's in 20 minutes „So, she's like your best friend, right?" James asked as we pulled up. The rodes were really slippery.

„Yea, I guess. I mean, she was. We used to be tight when we were in high school, but somehow things have been starting to fall apart. This is so import to me." I answered as we walked out of the car and onto the porch, maybe he would understand the importance of this.

Before I could ring the doorbell, Carlisle opened the doors and seemed to stop in his tracks, just as I did, when he saw me. He must have been leaving for his shift at the hospital. My. Fucking. Luck.

And it wasn't like the gravity was holding me anymore, but Carlisle's stare. My breath was in my throat and I felt like my eyes would fall out of my sockets. It was like this past year never happened, it felt like he had me pinned down under his body. But, instead of his body, it was his stare I was pinned down under.

„Bella?" he asked, a little bit strained. My coat was opened because it was hot in the car, and he could see me. I wanted to cover up and show him how my body had grown in the past year at the same time.

I decided to be the adult I prided myself to be. Smiling slightly I said „Mr. Cullen, it's so nice to see you. I think I haven't seen you since the graduation." When we took the awkward photo while we posed together with our families.

„Sadly, it has been that long indeed. You look so gorgeous Bella, more than ever." He leaned in and kissed both of my cheeks.

For an outsider, like James, it must have seemed normal. But it felt so intimate to me, as he put his hands on my shoulders and moved his lips to my cheeks, slowly, dragging it and was touching me in the way I had longed for so many months.

It seemed as if he didn't want to let me go, as he lingered. When he looked at James, his brow furrowed, in confusion.

I took the window „Carlisle, I would like for you to meet James." I couldn't say the word 'boyfriend'.

But I didn't have to „I'm her boyfriend. Nice to meet you, sir." It was so embarrassing that James would call my ex-thing a sir. Especially to know that Carlisle liked to be kinky. I missed that as well.

„Boyfriend?" Carlisle asked, his eyebrows rising up „Well, I'm happy for you." He grimaced. I don't think that he was happy at all, at least he didn't look like he was. He looked at James again, before he said „I must be going now. It was lovely to see you Bella. And, nice to meet you um Joel." I scowled at him. Did he really pull that stupid trick? James didn't even manage to say that Carlisle got his name wrong, as he was going down the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

I couldn't help but to not care at all about Joel and/or James.

I had missed Carlisle so much. I felt like I was spiraling out of my mind.

But this is where James called me „Come on Isabella, let's go inside. It's starting to snow." He took my hand in his palm.

Carlisle's POV

Boyfriend? Fucking boyfriend? That smug fucking face. God!

And Bella had looked so nice, too. She had put on some weight since last year, and it looked lovely on her. I couldn't see that dress in full appreciation, but Fuck me, what I saw made me a very happy man.

Until I realised that it wasn't mine to take, anymore.

I guess when Bella said that she wanted meaningful relationship, she really did mean it. But is that the reason that she ran off to the other side of the country, to meet someone she could parade around, as her boyfriend?

At the back of my mind the voice was telling me _you could have been that. She could have worn that dress for you and not for him._

Should I text her?

After the graduation I couldn't stop thinking about how dumb I had been. Bella just wanted someone to take her somewhere, she wanted me to spend some time with her outside fucking. It wasn't like we weren't doing some nice, domestic things together. And, now I couldn't stop my imagination running wild at the most simplest things. What would Bella think of that movie? Oh she would love that book. If we would dine together again in a restaurant, what would she order? Or would she want me to order for her, again?

I was a goner.

And, now. What was I going to do now?

Should I text her?

Would she want me to text her?

Would she text me back?

She did look at me, with those big, brown eyes, like she was begging me. Begging me to take her away from that muck.

And I did text her. Why not? I would never forget her number. Nothing big or really specific. Just a

 _You really did look marvelous._

 _Carlisle x_

Bella's POV

We had been sitting at Alices for about 30 minutes. Thirty horrible minutes. She was fighting with Jasper the whole time.

„So, how did you meet Bella?" Jasper asked, ignoring something that Alice had asked him. She didn't say anything, just scowl at him because I think she wanted to hear James speak.

„Um, well, Isabella and I met at orientation week. I was giving out flyers to my sorority, and she walked up asking if there were girls there as well." I tried not to grimace, but smile. It wasn't like that. He had been giving out flyers that part true, but he had yelled something at me and Rosalie. And, because I wanted to forget Carlisle, I answered with something on my own and we ended up going to his party.

„Yeah, I started to tutor him and the rest was history." I took over, before James could say that we had sex the same day I met him, when I didn't really know his name.

„Hey, but how did you two meet?" James asked and I saw Rosalie's panicked face. Everything was so awkward between Alice and Jasper, I was wondering why they were together.

„You know James. I don't even know." Alice laughed without humor and stood up „Someone want a drink?"

Thank God for James, when he said „No thank you. My head is hurting so bad." I saw a window out of this.

„Yeah, James has a massive headache. We didn't want to decline the invitation, but I think we're going to go." I said apologetically „The flight really got to us."

Carlisle's POV

What the fuck was I even thinking? Why in the world would I text her? She doesn't want anything to do with me, does she?

But my God, did she look so beautiful.

The weight that she had put on, looked so beautiful on her. It made her face fuller, and I imagined her hips and bum wider as well. She was wearing much more make up than usual, but the pink and dark purple shadows suited her dark, brown eyes. Her hair was longer, still the mahogany brown, only straightened out. I wondered if that's something she did regularly now. She used to let her hair be wavy and crazy, and now it hugged her face in straight strands.

And what was with that prick, who called himself her boyfriend? She kind of looked uncomfortable, but it must have been because of me, not him. He looked like he was made out of pure muscle, so Bella must have still liked a hard fuck.

But I missed her, not only because of the sex. No. I missed the harmony that came with her company. I missed the smell of her. I missed her smart remarks at the things I would say. I even missed sneaking around with her.

But, at that time I couldn't give her what she wanted. And, now when I can, she's moved on. I was a fucking idiot. And, now I was texting her? I was a pathetic idiot.

I decided to go and write papers in my office, so I wouldn't be sulking around.

As I was writing my third report, when Jane, one of the main nurses, came in an ushered voice „Dr. Carlisle, there's been a car crash, we need you out there!"

I rushed out of my office as I asked „What happened?"

„As I understand correctly, one car was driving too fast and slipped on the road, crashing the car passing it." She said as we entered the room.

„How many do we have? What are the injuries?" I asked her, walking closer to the draped area.

„We got three people, and the injuries are, well ... The driver whose car slipped, has broken forearm, and a concussion I think, but the other two, from the car that he hit, I don't know yet." Jane said as she opened the draped and my heart stopped.

I was about to puke, when I saw Bella's bloody face, unconscious, with a cast around her neck and right arm. And, her boyfriend, with what it looked like broken nose. There was an amazing quantity of blood coming out of it.

As I started speaking, my blood rushed to my ears, making a horrible ringing sound in them, as my heart beat into overdrive „I know them." I spoke to the nurse „Take the boy to get an immediate x-ray and look into if he has a concussion." I sighed „The girl, Bella, does she have a cervical fracture? Take her into x-ray as well. Then, we will have to get her into a separate room, get her to a system."

Jane wrote that down „Alrigh, I'll wheel her into xray immediately."

Fuck. Fuck! What happened? Why was she there? What happened? Why wasn't with Alice, in my house? I worried myself sick, to the point of almost vomiting.

„You, James." I said his name right „Follow me. Can you walk? If you feel dizzy you have to say it immediately, or if the room is spinning or your vision goes blurry. Anything out of the ordinary." I watched as his shaky figure got up „What happened?" I snapped.

Bella's POV

I woke up because of the sirens that were blaring in my head. I could feel my brain waking up before my body did. My eyes, which felt like they were swollen shut, slowly opened. My head was killing me. It actually felt like my head was going to rot off of my body. I looked around.

I was in a hospital?

I looked at the system I was put to, the monitors around me, and only now did I feel the small tubes in my nose and the cast around my right arm.

I was definitely in a hospital.

I felt the button, and pushed it, calling a doctor or a nurse in.

As I did, I felt vomit rising and only barely made myself puke on the floor, not in the bed.

 **A/N – I've decided that I will put the next chapter, if I get 5 reviews!  
Next xhapter = 5 reviews**


	5. Chapter 5

„A car crash?" I asked astonished, to one of the nurses, as someone was cleaning my vomit off the floor. What the actual fuck? I didn't remember a car crash. Only some flashing lights, pain and then nothing. My memory was a bit foggy. Wasn't it weird, how so much had happened when I was out?

„Yes. It wasn't your fault though, Miss Swan, the driver who was driving opposite of you was. You hit your head, you have five stitches and a concussion, as well as a broken right arm. Your friend, on the other hand, has only a broken nose, that's about it, sweetie. Your dad was here, but you were unconscious and he took your friend to your place, so they could rest." She said as she checked my vitals as I stared at the wall and tried to think. It actually hurt to think.

„How bad is the concussion?" I asked.

„We're not sure" she answered „But your vitals are looking good right now, so maybe everything's not that bad. Are you feeling nauseous still?" she said, looking at me cautiously.

Was I nauseous? Did I feel like vomiting again? „No. But I do have a horrible headache."

She nodded „We'll get you something for that, Miss Swan."

As she left the room with the cleaning guy, I was left alone to ponder. So, my father was here and he left with James, so I mustn't have been in a critical condition, or else he would have still been here. And, the nurse did say that everything, at least on paper, looked good. And, if what the nurse said was right that James had only a broken nose, and if Charlie could already take him home, he too must be alright. I wondered how was the driver who hit us? Was he badly injured? Was he drunk or was it the road?

As I was worrying my little, aching head, a doctor walked in. I really should have fucking known. I blame my concussion.

And, imagine the power play he must have been feeling. I was laying there, powerless, in Carlisle's mercy. We made instant eye contact as he came in the room, until he sat on the side of my bed. Then, I turned my eyes on the wall in front of me, looking everywhere, but at him. Weren't there no other doctors in this hospital?

„Bella. Please tell me how are you feeling?" he asked in a calm, collected tone.

I really had missed his voice ... And; everything that was related to him. I really tried to not feel sorry for myself that I hadn't been enough for him for this long. And, why was it my luck that he was my doctor? This day fucking sucked.

I cleared my head, and tried to match his tone „I have a nasty headache, and I feel neither good, neither bad I guess. Indifferent." I felt like shit, but I felt better after vomiting, that's for sure.

„So something in the middle?" he mumbled.

„Yea."

I don't know if I was the only one who felt the awkwardness of the situation, but I wasn't about to make a fool of myself. I've done that plenty already.

„Bella ... I've missed you." He said looking down. Oh god, he was definitely making this awkward. And, the worst part? I couldn't leave this bed! I was actually going to have a conversation with him about the 'thing'? „Did you get my text?"

Did he sent me text? Did he still have my number? „No. My phone was turned off." I coughed „That's um, ah sweet." I blurred out.

He looked me in the eyes „I must have hurt you so badly, and I wanted you to know that it was never my intention – to hurt you."

He sounded so honest, so sincere, but all those months ... When I broke this off, I actually thought that I still meant something to him. That he would come for me, even to say something. He didn't, and it said a lot about him and us being involved. And, I hated myself for not getting over him. I needed to get over him then, but I didn't. A year without him was as useful as ever, right now „It wasn't your intention, but you fucking did." I said, venting my pent up emotions „I understand what I was to you. But at least you could have said something, before I started to fall for you.." He was about to say something, but I stopped him „No, no Carlisle. Just. It's been a year, I'm over this and honestly no hard feelings." I spoke lies, I wished were the truth.

Carlisle's POV

Did she still feel like that about me? Did she fall for me? I wanted to kiss her bruised face.

I couldn't understand her right now. At least I cared, not like her idiot boyfriend. I couldn't keep it in anymore and said „Bella," I took her hand in mine „he doesn't care about you! He doesn't know you. You can do so much better."

She looked angry with me „Well, you too didn't know me." She said in a weak voice, but only grew angrier „And neither of you care, so whatever. Maybe I'll be with someone who wants to be with me someday." Her voice was hurt. Maybe she wasn't that over me, as she said she was. I silently hoped so „And, what if I don't want to do better? What if I only want to fuck him too? Hm? Sounds familiar, Carlisle?" she tried to make a nasty remark.

„Is that why you're together? To fuck?" I asked confused. Was he or wasn't her boyfriend now? Because he seemed to know so little about her. Honestly, he knew almost nothing about her.

„Oh God, Carlisle!" She was close to getting hospitals attention by yelling „ Who said anything about being actually together?" she rolled her eyes, puffing. She looked annoyed with me.

I was more confused, almost as if I was the one with the concussion „But he did say he was your boyfriend, tonight." Did I imagine that?

„People can say a lot of things." She muttered, not looking at me, suddenly her anger gone.

Wait. So, was she single? Did that meant she had a casual relationship with him as well? Did I ... ruin her way to be in relationships?

That made me livid, not only at myself, but that someone would touch her, for only their pleasure.

But I would be a hypocrite if I called her out on it. For one – we had a casual relationship once, and two - she was a grown-up. She could deal with this herself, if she wanted to do something like that.

I wanted to make us right. I wished I could erase last year out of our memories.

I took a leap and asked „Do you want to have dinner with me?"

She looked at me, with angry, red, tired eyes, being only serious „I'm fucking bed bound." She said miserably. I guess if she wouldn't have, she would have been out of here a long time ago.

I smiled a little „Who said that we have to leave your room?"

Bella's POV

Why was he offering to feed me? Why did he say what he said? It was true, I knew James didn't care about me, not as a lover anyway. And, why in the world would I make him suspect that I and James weren't an item, or serious at least? Why was I so stupid? James was here only to make Carlisle jealous, and now I practically told him that I was single.

I guess, even as I was angry, I missed him so desperately. I really was mad at him. But it looked like he cared and I was a bit hungry.

When Carlisle returned, with a white plastic bag, my stomach growled „How long was I asleep anyway?" I asked him.

He sat down on the side of my bed, like before, when he answered „Twenty-five hours."

„And how bad are my injuries? The nurse did say what happened, but how serious are they? And, oh! How is the driver who hit us?" suddenly my mind was fluttering with questions for him, as my actual doctor not a person I used to fuck.

Unpacking the food he answered „Your injuries aren't that bad, but every injury is serious anyway. Sadly, you were hurt the most and yes the driver who hit you is fine. We think about releasing you tomorrow. Now, " he smiled „Do you want sweet and sour sauce with your chicken or mustard sauce?"

„Mustard, please." I said in a tiny voice.

As he gave me a pack of noodles and chicken with mustard sauce, and a can of sprite, I couldn't help but to sigh. I wanted to be over him so bad, I could cry. But I suddenly had the urge to be his friend too. Was I trying to prove something by this to myself? Or him?

It felt like my mind would split in two! Did I want to beat him? Did I want to be his friend? Did I want to tell him everything? Did I want to keep my mouth shut forever around him? What was happening with me?

If I was his friend would he care this time? I needed to get myself together! A moment with him and I was losing it! What was it with me?

„Thank you. For the dinner. And, um, the whole doctor thing." Oh God, shut up, Bella! Shut up! What was it with me and saying thank you to him for doing his job? Maybe it was because previously we used this advantage to fuck not actually do the real patient – doctor stuff?

„It's my pleasure. I haven't seen you since you graduated. So, what have you been up to?" He asked the expected question „Except the James guy?" he muttered.

I was about to ask him, if he had a problem with that, but I figured the conversation would spiral out of hand and I didn't want nor need that. I figured that I would ignore that jab and answered „Well, university hasn't really been easy, but I'm managing. It's kind of fun and terrifying at the same time. And, it's so much warmer than it is here." I mused „I actually miss the New York weather."

„What are you studying?" he asked chewing his food.

„Biology."

His eyebrows shot up „I didn't know that."

„Why would you?" I muttered „We haven't spoken for a year. Except the graduation, when you congratulated me, and that's it.." I spoke louder, eating my dinner.

„I really did want to talk to you." He said, putting his chicken aside.

„Carlisle, let's finish eating." I said tired. My mind was too out of it, to talk with him efficiently.

He puffed „I just ... I want to make up for everything."

„Well, can you turn back time, back to my birthday?" I asked him a little annoyed. Because, honestly I wanted to hear those words for a long time. And, now, when I was hearing them I couldn't help but to feel sad, hopeless and even a tad angry. For one, it took him this long!

I was feeling anger a lot today, too.

„Do you really mean that?" he asked me, as I pondered.

I was silent for some time. Did I mean it? Would I turn back the time to never be with Carlisle? Would I stop anything this time? If I could, would I never have even gotten to know Carlisle in the way that I did, even if it hurt me?

„No." I finally answered „I don't really mean that, Carlisle." I gave in.

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	6. Chapter 6

He sat behind me and I swear my senses were heightened! He caressed my arms with his fingers, slowly dragging them up and down. As soon as his touch was present on my forearms, I had goose bumps everywhere – my arms, my legs, even my back and my neck. I couldn't help but to sigh and lean into him slowly, enjoying every second of it.

I could feel him shifting behind me, and them his lips, something I've missed almost too much to bare, were on my neck, slowly, gently kissing me. I wet my lips and bit them, as his palms snaked away from my arms and onto my torso, just holding me, it even felt like he was hugging me.

I couldn't move as he held on to me and kissed my neck with the professional touch of an experienced lover. I had leaned into him completely, I was completely his. My mind was only focused on him and what he was doing to me, and how much I didn't want him to stop, even if it wouldn't be right in the long run.

He stopped kissing me and said „Turn around." So low it was almost inaudible. And, even if it would be, he turned me around himself, and finally, after all these months of missing this, his lips connected to mine. It almost felt like something new.

Both of us grew needier and wanted more from each other. My legs couldn't help themselves as they wrapped around his waist. And, I think, his hands automatically wrapped themselves around my waist and grabbed my bum.

Our kiss grew more and more passionate and at one point I thought how far are we both willing to take this? Were we ready for the consequences?

I think I was.

„Bella?"

What?

„Bella?"

What? I'm here?

„Wake up, Bella."

What?

„Bella, we're signing you out."

I finally opened my eyes to see Carlisle. I blinked. I think I was about to cry.

Was that really a fucking dream? I felt like I would actually start sobbing, as Carlisle looked at me. That dream felt so fucking real. What the actual fuck? I could feel my eyes slightly tearing up.

Carlisle saw my face too „Are you in pain Bella? What happened?" He jumped to my side in an instant.

„I had a dream." I sniffled.

„A nightmare?" he checked. Of course he would think so.

I kind of hiccuped „No, A really good dream?"

„What was it about?" he asked carefully, trying not to make me cry.

I looked him in the eye „Everything was ...okay." I looked at him. I really needed that. I was feeling my desperateness coming on „You know? Everything was ... fine." I mumbled.

I was about to probably say something more desperate and something embarrassing, but Charlie walked in „I'm so happy you're fine Bella!" he noticed my distressed face „What's happening?" he looked between me and Carlisle.

„She had a nightmare." Carlisle chipped in for me.

Charlie smiled „Oh, you've always had nightmares when you sleep in different places." He cooed me „Baby, they're signing you out. Get dressed and we'll get going. I'll wait for you outside." He said as he got closer. „How you're doing Carlisle? Kid's good?" Charlie shook his hand.

„Hey there Charlie. You know, always could do better. At least I wasn't in a car crash on my first day back. Ally and Ed are doing fine, studying their butts off." Carlisle patted my leg as he and Charlie went out of the room.

„Yea, I hear ya'!" That was the last thing I heard from the two of them.

Maybe it was a good thing that Charlie walked in when he did. What would I've said to Carlisle? What would I've done?!

I slowly sat up in the bed and Alice walked in. I was so shocked I wanted to pinch my arm, to see if I was dreaming or not, again. She was so rude before, and I don't think she enjoyed my company.

„Hey ... you." I greeted her awkwardly. And, not because of Carlisle or anything. But because in the last couple of months she has been distant and it was weird seeing her in my personal space, just the two of us.

She looked around the room „Hey. You're getting signed out." She mumbled.

„Yup." Why was she stating the obvious? I guess she wasn't really here to see how I was doing, or else she would have asked something by this point. I wanted to get over this as quickly as possible so I just said „Alice, what's wrong?"

She made this innocent face at me, with huge eyes „Nothing?" she smiled a bit „You're the one who was in a car crash!"

I rolled my eyes. I didn't have time for this „Alice, just tell me what's been up with you. I'm tired. "

She looked annoyed and then breathed out, as she sat down „Now you care?"

I scowled at her „Why are you under the impression that I don't care?"

She looked a long time at me before she answered „You're in California."

I got up from the bed, and made the most frustrated sound „I'm studying there, Alice. It doesn't mean that we can't be friends if we're living in different cities." I stopped in my tracks „This can't be about me living there and your living here." I understood and stopped to look at her „We used to tell each other everything." That's until I screwed your father, but other than that...

„I cheated on Jasper." she whispered in the most tiniest, guilty voice I've heard.

I tried not to show my shock „Then why are you the one who is treating him badly?" I asked her, trying not to judge her. If she was at fault, then why did she act so resentful towards him?

She looked like she was about to cry „He ... he doesn't love me. He said it. And, it wasn't even a fight."

„What happened, Alice?" I sat back down. I could feel my head starting to ache a little. Because of the new found drama back here. California seemed so uncomplicated compared to New York. I missed it here.

„Ugh. We had a rough patch last year, remember?" she started, putting her poker face on.

„Yea." Jasper mentioned that, before he got alcohol poisoning.

„We kind of talked through the problem, but we didn't fix anything. We understood that there was a problem and that's it. So it all was building up and he kind of said that he didn't think that he loved me anymore and I got so upset ... You get the point. That was back in October."

„Then why are you still together?" I asked the obvious question „Why would you like to be with someone who doesn't even love you back? "

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	7. Chapter 7

I hadn't seen anybody for three whole days. Everyone's been too worried to see me, saying that I should rest. Bullshit. Everyone knew that I was alright and they didn't want to bother themselves because they were busy living. And, it wasn't like I went crazy over my head for inviting them in my house, but still.

Charlie has been so worried that he has been trying to cook every meal and he's gotten me every medication I need. And, once he had told my mother, she cried for me on the phone and said that she would fly in as soon as she could.

I calmed her, and it took me these three days to tell her off politely. Though I did promise her that I'll visit her instead and that I really was fine. Charlie talked to her as well, and confirmed that I was good. Of course, he regretted telling that to my mom, but it was the right thing to do.

James, was another thing! He was moaning how his nose hurt, when I my ears were still ringing, and that dinner at Alice's wasn't a good idea, and he won't go there anymore, and that he didn't even like New York.

„You've never even been here." I snorted as we played video games in my room.

„Yeah, well. Now I know why. No offence, but this place sucks." He said in an I-know-everything voice.

How the fuck wasn't it supposed to be offensive? I fucking live here. This was home. „Yea, well, California is shit too. No offense."

He put down the controller and looked at me, a bit angrily „Yea, maybe coming here wasn't a good thing. I have a plane in the morning, so..."

I wasn't that surprised „Alright." I knew that we weren't together, we just used each other and to be honest, if I didn't know why we weren't in a relationship, I knew now – he was so fucking stupid. And, I hated that Californian accent.

Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper were having the time of their lives, not like me. They were young and they were all in love. At least it looked that way. And, I was let here sulking, with my pretend boyfriend, who was my actual fuck buddy, talking shit about the city I lived in and sulking his ass all over my cool apartment.

So when he left the next morning, I didn't really miss him, I was relieved actually. I could finally try and not look hot. And, my headache had subsided a lot!

Charlie had been relieved as well. He didn't really like the fella, so when I told Charlie that he left, he couldn't help but to say with a smile „Oh, no."

But, the happiest person must have been Carlisle.

Carlisle came over, to make sure that I was 'alright'. I was standing right behind Charlie, when Carlisle rang the doorbell „Hey there, Charlie. How are you?" he asked my dad, as he let him in. I remember how strained he had been last year, to even look at Charlie and now he was having a full conversation, in his apartment? Good for him. But what did that mean for the two of us?

„Good. I've been good. A little stressed about Bella over here. How have you been?" Charlie asked.

„I've been alright. I'm actually here to check in on her. See if everything's healing alright." He said, kindly smiling at Charlie. Was he really here on doctors duty? As the thought crossed my mind, I couldn't stop to feel a bit of pain. Maybe I really was still holding on to him, just a bit too much? Everything he did, I hoped he did it for me.

„Well, I'm actually off to the station." He said with a grimace „I hope you're going to find everything you need, if you have to." He said his good-bye's and left.

Now, I was left standing in the hallway with Carlisle Cullen, in my unsexy PJ pants and a tank top.

„So." I said.

„So." He smiled. Why the hell, was he in such a good mood?

„My own doctors visit?" I asked, dragging out the words „I must have got a good doctor. Or I'm special." I asked him sarcastically.

„I really have been worried about you, Bella." he said as he walked in the apartment.

„And?" I asked in an apathetic tone. I was a little hopeful though „We haven't called to the hospital. So, I do feel like a person should feel. " Lies. I still felt like shit. Today was actually better than the previous days.

„I actually wanted to talk to you." He said, slowly „If you're really feeling alright and if that's okay with you, of course."

I rolled my eyes as I turned and walked in the kitchen „Well then, go ahead." Again. Talking. What was this? Did he need me to forgive him? Was this because he was feeling guilty? If he was, what kind of guilt was he experiencing? Was he guilty because I was barely legal back then? „Carlisle, if you're feeling like you need to apologise, or something, then you shouldn't. What happened, happened." I went along and said it. I didn't want to beat around the bush, per se.

We sat down and Carlisle made a face „What?"

God, why is that when someone says that they want to talk to you, your head is spinning like crazy? And, then you jump to stupid conclusions? „Carlisle, just tell me, why are you here?" I was done guessing. I've been guessing everything about Carlisle, and I was tired of that shit. I really was.

„I was here because," he gulped and took a big breath „Jesus. Okay." I was about to yell at him to just get it out. And, then – „Bella, I want to take you out on a date."

Did I hear him right?

I felt giddy and happy. And, I felt a tinge of sadness as well „Why now?" did he want closure?

He looked at his hands, all traces of his good mood gone „There are no words. I've wanted to ask you out so many times. And, I'm sorry that I only realised this after I made you walk out on me. I needed you more that I waited to admit, then. But I really do miss you. And, I would like to take you out, on a proper date. " he looked up at me, his eyes sad and serious „For a whole year, I couldn't say anything because I thought you hated me so much. And, I don't blame you, if you did – or still do."

„So, you want to make up for your past mistakes?"

He shook his head „I can't ever make them alright, Bella. But what I can do, is to take you out, now. Not because I need closure, or I'm apologetic ... But because I really, really like and miss you."

I wanted to tell him to fuck off and at the same time I wanted to run in his hands and kiss him „You do realise I'm almost six hours away, by plane that is?"

„Not now. Now you're here. Why not enjoy yourself Bella?" he asked, purring like a kitten „You can leave your boyfriend at home, and we can do lovely things out."

I stood up and went to the fridge „Well ... He's not my boyfriend, never has been. And, he had a flight home this morning, so, in every single syllable in the word – I am single." I puffed „Do you want something? I'm making a tea."

„Thank you, but no. You did just say that you two weren't ... really together. I was wondering about that."

I scowled at him „I'm not telling you all my secrets, just because you asked me out." Why was I so angry at him? Was it because it had taken him a whole year to ask me out? Was it because I didn't want to hope that something good was going to happen to me? Why didn't I let myself be happy? I think I would get too emotional if I let myself feel something other than angry.

He stood up „I should have known that you would say 'no' to me."

Fuck! I ran to his side, to stop him from moving „Wait!" I almost yelled at him „ I didn't say no." I mumbled.

„I don't want to guess anymore, Bella. I want you back and I want to take you out. I don't know about you, but I've been miserable this whole time – this whole year. I really want to take you out, do you want me to take you out?" He looked at me with such serenity and hopefulness, I couldn't help, but the gentle nod.

„I've wanted nothing more, for the past year." I answered him „This doesn't mean I'm not angry at you."

But how could I when all he wanted to do was put the pieces back together, stronger than they were before?

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	8. Chapter 8

„How long are you staying sweetie?" Charlie asked me over breakfast, as he sipped his coffee.

I didn't know just yet „Um, if you don't mind until the New Year's eve." Did I want to stay longer? My studies would start after January.

„Sure thing sweets! Stay as long as you want." He smiled at me „I think your phone is ringing."

He was right, just as he said it, I heard it. I ushered to my room and picked up the call from Rosalie.

„Hey! How are you? What are you wearing today?" she spoke first, a little excited. Carlisle had said that he had this evening free and we could meet up. I still had to text him, I was a GO.

„I don't know ... Should I?" I sat down on my bed „Rosalie! What am I doing?" I said to her as I hold my head in my hands.

„Calm down, Bella." She said as she chewed on something.

„Calm down? Where's the fuck-Carlisle-out-of-my-system Bella?" I mumbled.

„Probably in California, with James or whoever. You're Bella. The real Bella. Whatever, just go out and relax. You might not remember this, but you used to say some really nice things about spending time with Carlisle."

„Yeah, but don't you remember, how things-"

„Yeah, I do. And, that was shitty as hell, Bella. But think about the situation from his perspective. You were just starting out and having fun. How was he to know that you really were the one who he wanted? He has a lot more to lose than you do, if this becomes public. Plus, it's pretty amazing that he still thinks about you, a year later."

„Oh my God, you're so right, if you weren't you, I would hate you for it." People so often misunderstood Rosalie. She not only had the body of a goddess, but the brain smarter than most people and heart bigger than anyone I knew.

„Yea, just tell me how it went."

I texted Carlisle, still sitting down.

 _At what time are you picking me up?_

 _-Bella_

His response was immediate

 _Be ready at seven._

 _-Carlisle_

Until seven I tried to relax and be calm about everything. But I ended up obssesing about everything – what should I wear, should I put my hair up, would lipstick be too much, should I still act angry or try and be forgiving?

At half past five, when Charlie left for the night shift, I went for a bath.

I thought I would relax and calm my body just as my mind. It didn't go as planned because I couldn't sit in the tub more than 10 minutes. I just couldn't stop thinking about everything. I was fidgeting so much I decided to start and get ready, slowly.

I decided to straightening my hair and put on a good amount of make up. But I didn't know where he was about to take me. Would it be a fancy restaurant? Would it be a movie night? I didn't know.

I was going to put on some black skinny jeans, when he rang the doorbell.

„Fuck!" I muttered under my breath, as I grabbed my silky robe and rushed to let him in.

When he came in, his eyes were as big as my fists „Wow Bella. I like it, but it's pretty cold out."

I tried not to blush at his comment „Ha ha. What should I wear, Carlisle? Just tell me. I don't know where we're going and everything." I stressed.

He smiled at my distress, and I noticed the sunflowers in his hand „These are for you, Bella." He said as he gave them to me and leaned in and kissed my cheek and I let him, even if I was half naked „I want to see you and be able to talk to you, and I've been working all day – I was thinking dinner for two? At my place? Alice is staying at Jasper's so... " he shrugged his shoulders.

„Thank you." I actually smiled at him „I will be out in five minutes." And, I rushed to my room.

When I came back, dressed in a burgundy pencil dress, with the most amazing push-up bra I had and the same coloured heels as my dress, I power-walked through the apartment to Carlisle. I saw him trying to swallow and that only made me straighten my back and push out my chest more. I might still feel some kind of a grudge against him, but it made me feel damn good when he thought I looked hot.

„I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you look wonderful. More than in your fun robe. " He laughed „But you do look wonderful." He put his palm in on the small of my back.

When we sat in the car, I couldn't help but to remember when we did it in the car. I had thought that it was so hot and special. I know that it was hot, but I was the only one who thought that it was special.

Jesus, I felt like I was his angry, old wife dressed like his mistress.

We had some small talk on the way, but other than that the car ride was pretty quiet.

As we walked in, Carlisle opened the door for me and said „I think you will like what I made. It might not be your favourite, but I think you will enjoy the food."

When I saw the marinated swordfish, with the veggies and his lobster, with what seemed like iced-tea, I got choked up. When I turned to him, putting my palm to my chest, I think he saw how moved I was by the gesture. When I asked him to order for me when we were down to South Dakota, he had ordered the same thing. I didn't think, at least now that he would care so much for the details of our past. That he would remember what he ordered for me, and would make that, is amazing to me. He did care! He really did care for me. Even if it was a year later, I couldn't help but to feel truly happy, for the first time since I had seen Carlisle. He did the impossible. And, only by the stupid swordfish?!

„Come, sit down." He urged me „I thought you might like this."

„I love it." I said dreamily.

When we sat down and dug in, I couldn't help but to be wooed by this. The food was just as good as I had remembered. If not even better „This is ... really amazing Carlisle I didn't expect any of this. You didn't have to do this."

„But I did. I really do miss you and I can't say it enough, but I really am sorry. "

I didn't answer, but just gently smiled at him. What could I say? Yea, I like you and I want to forgive you, but I have this huge, huge offense and resentful piled up inside for a whole year now. And, I want it to be gone, but I'm so scared. Instead, I chose to say „I missed you too, Carlisle."

The dinner was amazing and sweet, and everything I actually didn't expect it to be. I loved it, and it frightened me.

After dinner, we sat down to watch a movie because we were so full and we didn't want the night to end. We never actually watched a movie. We either fucked or talked through it. Of course, we wouldn't fuck, but when I was silent for the whole movie, Carlisle nudged me „Hey, you're asleep? Are you feeling well?" he worried „Was the fish good?"

„The fish was great. It was ... It's just." Could I admit how insecure I was? Men didn't like it when women were insecure, right? I chewed on my lip as I kept my mouth shut.

„Bella ... Come on." He looked at me with those big, sad eyes „If you're not happy, I can just take you home."

„No, no!" I stopped him „Listen," I puffed „I fucking miss you ... I miss us. But I got seriously hurt the last time. And, I don't think that I ever was over you. I'm just scared, Carlisle. I'm scared that whatever happened the last time, will happen again, and what if it happens -"

I never got to finish my sentence because my lips were suddenly busy kissing him, not talking. He didn't even let me finish, as he interrupted me with his kiss, but I thought that it was sweet. At least he knew that I didn't loathe him. I could feel my heart in my ears and my head spin, from the adrenaline rush I got. This seemed much more meaningful than the last or the first time we had kissed.

I wanted to keep kissing him and jump his bones, but I couldn't do that. Not now at least. When we broke up the kiss, his initiative not mine surprisingly, I was left speechless – something he obviously wanted to do „Bella, you mean so much to me. I would be so honored and grateful if you could find it in your heart, to try to be with me again." I wanted to look into his eyes because this was so meaningful to both of us. Instead of being one hundred percent into the conversation I wanted to hear for a whole year, my blood ran cold.

My face froze in horror as I stared at Edward and Jessica's form behind Carlisle.

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	9. Chapter 9

„No dinner for us, huh dad?" Edward said in an apathetic, accusing tone „Hey Bella." I touched Carlisle's palm in shock and noticed it was just as clammy as mine was. He looked around, as if Carlisle had another girl, which he had an indecent relationship, hiding there. He looked at our horrified and ghastly faces and pulled his eyebrows up. Did he really expect us to say something? I couldn't even swallow „Anyway, we'll be up, in my room." He said as he took Jessica's hand, who was scowling at us, but in a familiar way, and went up stairs.

I think it was full five minutes until both of us could even look at each other „Carlisle." I gasped „What now? What was up with that?" I was looking in his eyes for help. Everything was so eerie calm.

There wasn't much difference from the horror in his face from mine, but his tone was much calmer „I think ... I think I need a drink right now. Care to join me?" When Carlisle poured us both a double whiskey he carried on „I think Edward has known for a year, but I'm not sure."

I thought about it, taking a sip of the disgusting fluid „Do you know what? I actually think that you're right." I rationalized „If this was the first time he would have seen us, then he wouldn't have been so calm, right?" My heart rate picked up „Carlisle, seriously what is going to happen?" I stressed „What if he tells everyone?" As much as I wanted to be with him everything about us would be scandalous.

He rose up and stood in front of me „Calm down. Nothing is going to happen to you, even if he does tell everyone."

He was right, I might lose Alice, but we haven't been friends for the past year, and Rose knew already ... Dad would be pissed off and bummed out, to say the least, but other than that, my life wouldn't change, except that I wouldn't have to hide and sneak around.

But ... the life that would change would be Carlisles. He would be looked upon as a pervert. He could lose his job, and his kid could hate him forever. If Edward knew, then no wonder why he moved so far from New York, from where his dad was having relations with his ex. His life would be a mess.

„Carlisle ... He can't say anything. I will be fine, but you..." I mumbled, staring at him,, shaking my head in distress „We have to talk to him, as much as I hate it."

He smiled „I know this is a horrible situation and everything, but I actually feel particularly special that you worry about me." He pulled me into a hug „ I'm sorry that this happened tonight, this was supposed to be our evening."

When he let me go, I said „ It's just ... We can't get a break, can we?"

He smiled a sad smile „But we did. For a whole year, Bella." He took my hands „We need to figure out a plan, then."

I nodded „We need to shut Edward up."

And, this time, I was the one who kissed Carlisle. The kiss was filled with passion. Passion is not only a strong emotion of affection, but also of hate. And, the two feelings went hand in hand.

Carlisle's POV

She kissed me. But more than that, she cared about me. She cared about what happened to me, and she cared what would happen to us.

„I had a feeling that Edward knew. That last night, Bella was with me, I did see a silhouette. But nothing came up after that, only Edward leaving ... „ I said as we sat down in my office.

„Don't you think that he would have said something? Screamed at you? At us." She wondered, finishing her drink.

„Alice would have been too emotional, if she would have seen it in the past, but Edward was the opposite – if something was wrong he would emotionally shut down. Like leaving the city, not coming home in time – something like that." I mused out loud. I knew my children.

„So, he won't tell?" Poor Bella. She didn't have the time, the year, to worry that Edward might know.

„I don't know." I didn't lie to her. I've done enough of that.

She got up from my chair „I need a moment to breathe. Everything is ... too much." She said, fanning herself „Carlisle, I can't breathe!" She panicked „Carlisle!"

„It's okay!" I said, leading her out „It's just a panic attack – you CAN breathe." I tried to reassure her. It wasn't the first time I was seeing a panic attack, with working in a hospital and all.

„But it's not okay! Edwad saw!" She teared up, as her voice got higher. She didn't deserve this ever, especially not tonight of all nights. I wanted her to be relaxed and happy this evening.

„Bella," I said slowly, as we sat down in my backyard „It's going to be alight. I promise. You don't need to worry." I thought for a second „Do you want me to speak to Edward? Or do you want to?" I tried.

„Who do you think he would lash out on less?" she wondered, now a lot calmer. I shouldn't have given her that whiskey, but it was her choice not mine.

„I really don't know, sweets."

She took my hand in her tiny one „Then we both do it. I bet that he's expecting to be called down, or that we ask to speak to him." She said in a strong tone „But I do wonder what would happen if we ignored this." She wondered.

„He would resent us more and probably never come home." As I said – I knew my children „He might resent us now, even more so than a year before, but now he knows that we know."

„We do have the upper hand though – he doesn't know that we know that he has known for a year." She smiled and mumbled „A lot of he knows/ she knows."

The plan was to call Edward down, and say that we know that he knows, obviously. We have to establish that we're not sorry, but that it's our private life and we don't want everyone to know. We need him to understand that even that he knows something of our private life, it doesn't invite him to tell it to everyone, and the consequences that . What could go wrong?

Bella's POV

I would say that I looked really good. This dress cost a fortune and I looked like a million bucks. But, in the situation we were in, I looked like a mistress dressed to kill. I liked it, but I don't think that Edward appreciated it.

Especially when Edward came down, with Carlisle to his study as I was leaning on his desk, with three whiskey glasses on it. He stared me down, with this cold stare with a clenched jaw.

„Sit down, Edward." Carlisle said as he came behind me, to sit at his desk.

„I don't want to sit. I'll stand." He said. It wasn't anything. We did think that he would say this. Nothing was off the plan.

There was this awkward pause, when no one said anything. When I cleared my voice, Carlisle started „Edward, we do know that you know. And, we would appreciate if you kept it to yourself. This is our private life and we would love it if you would keep it private." I have to give it to Carlisle. He was so calm and collected.

„How do you sleep at night?" Edward asked „I've known for such a long time and I can't even look at both of you." He turned to me „What does Alice say?"

„You don't need to be so nasty." I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

„I'm being nasty?" he said, pointing at himself „Bella, you've been fucking my dad! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I wanted to say something like, the heart wants what it wants or some other stupid thing like that, but instead I went for „So what? I love him." Only now I understood what I said. I dropped the L-bomb. I carried on, ignoring it „These are our lives and we chose to do with them as we please. So, please, keep quiet."

„God, do you even hear yourself? You're dropping your daddy issues all over my father. You had a problem kissing me in the public, but don't you have a problem fucking my dad? Do you understand how mental that is?"

I understood that Edward wasn't angry as much as he was jealous. Of course, if we would call him out on it, he would never keep shut.

Carlisle jumped in „We know how wrong this is. But, it is our wrong, not societies wrong, Edward." He stood up „You have to understand. There are secrets, that are not yours to tell." He made a face at him. Of course Carlisle would know his sons secrets, but I did wonder what he knew.

Edward looked beat „Do you know what? I don't give a shit, I won't tell, I'll just let it eat you both alive ... Go, have a midlife crisis with my ex. God, you're such a cliche." He stormed off.

The minute we couldn't hear his footsteps I hear Carlisle's voice „Do you love me?"

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	10. Chapter 10

The ringing sound was horrible! I wanted to punch my phone, not pick it up. But when I saw the caller ID, I couldn't help but to start to sweat „Alice? Is something wrong?"

„Oh, I didn't wake you up, did I?" so she didn't know. That was promising.

„You did, but I'm up now. So, what's going on?" I asked her, my voice still sleepy.

„Dinner, our place, tonight at six pm. Edward came home early! I have to call Rosalie as well. You can bring James too." She sounded happy, first time in months.

„Um, James and I broke up – he went back to California. It was never going to work out." Because of various reasons.

Alice seemed oddly alright with it, as everyone was, and the conversation didn't last long.

I first went to the bathroom, to clean my face off of yesterdays make up. I usually didn't leave it for the night, but I didn't feel like it yesterday. My make-up smeared face didn't kill the butterflies in my stomach. What killed them, was Alice. Was this what Edward thought of, when he said that he would let the guilt kill us? I should stop being jumpy because he won't say anything.

 _Carlisle and I sat in his car, an hour later, after the talk . I know it was bad that he had been drinking and driving, but he really didn't drink that much, only a glass of whiskey. I was the one who was drinking – but I didn't feel it. It must've been all the drama that made me sober as a judge._

„ _The evening didn't turn out as I had expected." I said as he parked at the back of my building._

„ _I'm -" he started._

„ _Don't." I smiled „It was lovely, instead of the Edward thing. But the dinner really was nice, and I enjoyed spending time with you." I said as I slowly leaned in for a kiss, and he leaned in to me, as well._

A surprising number of people knew about mine and Carlisle's relationship. It felt like this big secret that everyone knew of, but didn't speak it out loud. Like ... Voldemort or some shit like that.

It was actually late, it was two in the afternoon. I only had four hours to get ready – and I didn't even have breakfast! I jumped out of the bed and went to the kitchen to catch something.

 _As our lips almost touched, he asked me again „Do you really love me?"_

 _When he first asked me, I just stated to laugh, took another drink of whiskey and changed the topic. I was scar ed to admit it myself, let alone to the person of interest._

 _But the moment was so sweet and intimate, I just closed my eyes and let everything go „I think I do love you. I think I have loved you for some time now, but I'm so scared right now."_

„ _Bella, I have loved you since the moment you showed that you cared about us."_

 _I didn't even think twice that he would say it back. I closed the gap between the two of us and let myself feel, what I wanted to feel for so long._

After I ate some waffles, I had decided to call Roslalie and tell her everything. I needed someone on my side, and I needed someone with whom to share the crazy with.

„Holy. Shit ... Damn, Bella! I need a minute." She said in a distressed voice full of wonderment.

„Yes. How do you think I feel? And, we have an amaaaaaazing dinner ahead of us. Alice and Jazz are the only ones in the dark, so beating around the bush will be so much fun." I kept talking in a low voice, trying not to wake Charlie.

 _The kiss slowly turned more urgent and urgent as the need for one another turned into something more. He unbuckled my seatbelt and as soon as I was free, I sat on his lap and grabbed him by his hair as he clawed at my back. We couldn't get closer to one another._

„ _Come upstairs." I mumbled against his skin as fast as I could. When he didn't answer me, I turned to begging „Please, come upstairs."_

Thank god Rosalie picked me up.

What surprised me, was that we were missing her better half „Where's Emmett?" I asked as I sat in the front seat.

„Oh, he thought that dinner at the Cullen household could get too much tonight. He loves you liked his sister, but knowing him, he would be giggling and making jokes about the situation we were in, so we both thought that it would be best if he skipped this one." She explained.

„Alright. But what are we telling them?" I asked her, and checked her out at the same time. Rosalie dressed more sexy than I dared, this time. Under her opnened white coat, she was wearing a light pink skater dress, with gold coloured ankle boots „Nice outfit by the way."

„Thank you. You probably look hot as well, under that coat." She pointed her finger towards me „We're telling them that Emmett has a thing with his parents and he couldn't make it on the short notice. "

We were quiet the whole ride there. And, when we drove up the driveway Carlisle came out to greet us. I know that he was panicking about the whole thing, he wanted to have people who actually supported us. Me ... And, Rosalie with Emmett most of the time.

„Hi, Mr. Cullen. How's it going?" Rosalie asked him as we went up the stairs.

I think he smiled a little, it was had to tell „We're ... doing alright, I think."

When I came, Carlisle kissed my cheek in a greeting „Hey gorgeous."

„ _I ... can't." He said strained, his face against mine._

„ _What?!" I said heartbroken „You don't want me?" What was happening again?_

„ _Are you crazy, gorgeous?" He kissed my shoulder „I think I'm barely holding myself right now. But I'm horrified that you might regret this because you're scared."_

„What is for dinner Carlisle?" I asked him as he let us in.

„Awkwardness served cold." He joked.

„Ice-cream?" Rosalie asked and we laughed, as we entered the dinner room. It smelled mouth watering here. I knew by the smell that it wasn't swordfish this time.

„What's so funny?" Alice asked us serious as we still giggled.

„Nothing, oh, you look so pretty Alice, is that a new dress?" Rosalie took over.

„Thank you, but it's not." Alice huffed in her little, black bodycon dress „This is actually still from high-school."

„And you still fit inside it? Jealous!" Rosalie was brilliant. I just hope that she can keep it up for this dinner that was going to be a train wreck.

When dinner actually started, only Rosalie and Alice were talking. Edward was glaring at Carlisle his other half was glaring at me. Jasper was just sulking and drinking. God, he looked so miserable.

The seating was probably done by Edward or Jessica because it really sucked. Carlisle was seated at the head of the table, on the right side was Alice, Edward and Jessica. And, on the left side Rosalie, Jasper and me. I know that it was meant as a 'fuck off, Bella' from them because I was seated as far as the table let it. Well, fuck them too – this relationship was too important to me, and I've waited too long for this to work. I didn't want to play their petty game, so I didn't play it. Carlisle and I could talk later, between four eyes.

So instead I talked to Jasper, as Rosalie talked to Alice and Carlisle, leaving Edward and Jessica to themselves.

„Hey, Jasper do you want dinner with whiskey?" I asked trying to joke with him.

Instead he smiled a sad smile and put the glass down, slowly he turned to me „Am I that obvious?" he really did look beat down.

„You didn't need to come." I said slowly „You're obviously going through something." Even a year later, they still had problems. Problems that have manifested into bigger problems.

I talked with him for the whole dinnertime. I wanted to get to the bottom of their problems because Alice was keeping shut. But when he whispered towards „I think I actually hate her. But, she has me by her little fucking pinkie." I was left taken back a little.

„What happened?" I whispered back.

„She said she's pregnant, Bella. But I haven't touched her in the last month." He kept whispering, and took his glass of alcohol and finished it. I wanted to talk to him. But, I didn't want to know that much of their private, very much fucked up life.

„Is she?" she didn't mention that to me. But when I had asked her why she was with him, she did say that she loved him, but that was so fucked up of her.

„We'll see it in nine months." It was very possible that Alice was lying about it. And, if she wasn't, then it wasn't Jasper's kid ... Either way, in nine months, they were done.

After dinner, Rosalie decided to stay with Alice, because she had drunk three glasses of red wine and forgotten that she was driving. That sneaky vixen. She knew that Carlsile would have to drive me. And, what a coincidence, Carlisle was headed for his night shift.

I thought that Edward would puke as he ran up the stairs with Jessica.

When Carlisle parked his car, I put my palm against his cheek „Please, come up. We don't need to do anything, Carlisle." I said „I hate to beg."

„You don't need to beg, Bella." He kissed my palm and we headed up.

When we came up, Charlie wasn't home, so he still must have been out in the station. Thank god for that. When Carlisle came back in my room he mumbled „Your room hasn't changed." He grabbed my hand „You have though. You've become such a woman, Bella. I really do love you."

I couldn't help but to slip against his chest and let him hold me.

Did last year even happen?

We were sleeping in my bed, for I don't know how long.

I was wearing my under panties and Carlisle too was only in his underwear. We did talk for a long time, but then we just snuggled against each other and enjoyed the silenced.

That was until I wanted to pee.

I pulled his black t-shirt over my head, and went to the bathroom. Even though I knew that Charlie was back home, sleeping, I felt like he would have this sixth sense about me walking around my undies with my breasts out.

When I came back, and basically flopped back next to Carlisle, pushing my back against his chest, he murmured „Why the fuck are you wearing a shirt?" as his arm was snaking around my body, to my breasts.

I smiled a little in the pillow „I went to the bathroom. I didn't want to be cough with my breasts bouncing around."

„Hm ... But that only makes this so much fun." He yanked my shirt almost violently up, to my face, and started to massage my breasts. Just as his fingers clenched around my nipples I felt my clit tightening as my cunt got wetter.

I moaned rather loudly and he tsk'ed me „You didn't want to get coughed ... Remember." His whisper, and the tremor of his voice in my ear, only made me hornier. How was I going to keep quiet?

I didn't linger on that thought as his other hand slipped in my panties. His fingers on his big hand started to massage my clit, making me his, finally. I was breathing in shallow breaths, trying not to make a noise, at which I was failing a little. I was just hoping no one would catch us.

To be honest, I stopped caring as I was nearing my orgasm.

„Shh, baby. If you make a noise, I'll have to stop." He slowed his fingers on my clit. God, it was so dirty when he was like this. I still couldn't get over it – actually how hot this was „You don't want to stop, do you?"

„No." I panted „I don't, Mr. Cullen." I added the seemingly innocent and normal word that actually got both of us off.

„Good girl." He said as his fingers started the furious pace back again on my clit. I felt my eye's rolling in the back of my head, as I came. I would have screamed, from the intensity of it, but I rather bit the pillow than let Charlie find us.

I was spasming around, still against his chest and his fingers still on my clit as I came down slowly. I then had an idea.

I slowly wiggled out from his body and turned around, facing him I said „Now, let me make you feel good." I pushed his boxers down and, as I expected because I felt him, he was rock hard.

I took him in my mouth so fast, he didn't have any time to respond. I went as deep as I could and came back. I heard him moan my name and I wanted to stop just to tell him that I loved him.

But I was enjoying giving my boyfriend a blow job.

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	11. Chapter 11

_A/N – I just wanted to write something cute between them, but still relevant to the story_

„So, what did you do on your nineteenth birthday?" Carlisle asked me, I sat on his office desk, in the hospital. It was his night shift and I wanted to keep him company.

I remembered the stupid day „It was alright. I spend it alone in my room eating cheesecake, watching a horror movie." I smiled at the memory. And, I left out the birthday sex. I didn't want him to know, even if it wasn't a secret. I don't think that I would want to know if Carlisle's has had sex. Even if he hasn't and it actually was a possibility. He really was a handsome man.

He finished writing his papers, and looked up at me, with the cutest smile „Well, I did get you a present, even if it is a couple of months later."

That got my hopes up „Oh! What is it?" I said as he gave me a tiny, wide box.

As I opened it up, I saw beautiful black, shiny leather gloves he said „That's not it. I thought you should keep your beautiful hands warm ... Look, on the left glow, on the sleeve part I engraved your name, and on the other glow, I engraved a heart."

I walked towards him and kissed him „Why the heart?"

I sat in his lap as he answered „Because you wear your heart on your sleeve. And, I want to keep it warm."

My heart melted „I love you so much. You're so sweet." I kissed him slowly, enjoying the sweet, cute moment „Please tell me that no one is at your place tonight?" I mumbled against his lips. Of course Edward and Jessica would be there, they have been sulking around and just sleeping in. But Alice and Jasper on the other hand ...

„Sadly, my house is full." I puffed „But let me sneak you in – it's not like you haven't slept with me, with Alice or Edward in the house." I giggled at that, when my phone rang.

I grounded. It was my mother. Not a call you want to have, when your sitting in your daddy age lovers lap. But I could not answer this time „Hey, mom."

„Hi, my little pumpkin! " she yelled my ear off „I have some news! If, and only if you're not coming to see me, I'm coming to New York, miss Bella Swan!"

„Mom ... " I was left speechless. Is she was going to come, I couldn't possibly see Carlisle then. My mom was wonderful and lovely, but she did have her cons. She did hide the fact that I had a nice, willing father who was looking for me as well. But I didn't want to go and leave Carlisle „I'll have to call you back, alright?"

„What are you doing so important, that-" she started.

„Bye!" I hung up.

We've been back together for a week now, and Christmas was coming up. I hadn't thought about us was I going out do without him? So when Carlisle asked „What was that about?" I didn't want to burst our new bubble with the news that either my mother was coming, or I was leaving earlier.

That's why I answered „I just wanted to be with you."

He smiled „Let's go."

I decided to come see Carlisle at his office, in hospital. He had texted me how bored he was that all he had to do was finish writing his papers. And, just as I wasn't doing anything anyway, I decided to see him.

In the past, he would have been dodgy and distant if I would have showed up, just like that. This time was different. I mean, he didn't greet me with an open mouth kiss, but he did hug me and rushed me in his office – in which he kissed me in then. I was in seventh heaven.

That was until my mother called.

Carlisle obviously noticed too. I wasn't a good liar „So, what did your mom want?" I was about to say nothing, before he gave me a look „No, seriously. I want to know."

I blew out the air I was holding. I didn't want to burst our renowned relationship bubble so soon „My mom ... She wants me to visit her, for the holidays, before the university starts. Or, she swears she's coming down to New York. And, that would cause a whole new shit storm, because of the past relationship my parents had and she's a very snoopy person, so you know." I played with my fingers.

„Doesn't your mother live in California? Just where you study?" He asked confused.

„She used to, but Esme and her boyfriend moved to San Francisco." I explained.

When we drove up the house, it was dark and quiet. Everyone must have been asleep or gone, so sneaking in was actually not sneaking in at all, just walking in.

When we walked in Carlisle's room, I said „You've been working all day. You should clean up ... I could help you." I insinuated as I pulled my blouse off „I've been feeling ... dirty lately too."

He laughed at that and pulled his dress shirt off as we slowly backed up in his personal bathroom.

When the water hit our bodies, I was so relaxed and horny at the same time. I really did love Carlisle, and I wanted to show him how much. I wanted to blow him, I wanted to give him pleasure, but it was such a long time since he had been inside me.

So when he picked me up and rested my back against the tiles, I let everything go and let him shower me with kisses along my neck. „I love you" he said against my skin.

I dragged his face up, by his hair to kiss him „I love you, Carlisle." I could slowly feel him turning harder against my flesh. I couldn't help but to grind against him „Please. I need you. I miss you!"

I didn't have to beg long for it as he pulled inside me.

I gasped against his flesh, as he penetrated me. In and out. In and out. In and out. I lied to myself – I had missed the sex part more than I was willing to admit it to myself. The position we were in, him fucking me against the shower wall, hitting that very special, secret spot made me trash against him.

In the back of my mind I hoped that no one could hear me, but the orgasm was making me spasm and scream. I guess he had missed me as well, as his orgasm made him very vocal too.

After our post-orgasm high, we quickly washed each other off and went to lie in his bed. I was the little spoon, as he was holding me, my wet hair probably in his face „Carlisle. I really did miss you." I mumbled against his arm.

He was about to say something to me, but my phone started to ring. It was late and it made me wonder if something was wrong.

And, it was. Why did my mother have to call me again „Yes?" I tried to sound like her baby just wasn't fucked, and being held by the man twice her age.

„Isabella! Are you coming to San Francisco or not? I need to know, to book a ticket or not. I'm online right now. I need an answer."

I looked at Carlisle, for help.


	12. Chapter 12

Christmas was so much fun. I had the nicest dinner with Charlie. Later that night, I had even a better Christmas, with Carlisle in a hotel room, as he fucked me against the floor of the bedroom. But you know what wasn't fun? Sitting in an airport, with a delayed flight, to see my mother for new years.

I can't believe that Carlisle had talked me into going to see my mother. He guilted me in, actually. He said that even if my mother was on the crazy side and she had hid the things that she did, I should see her. It's not like I hated her, for her keeping my father away, not now anyway. I just still didn't understand it. I loved him a little more, as he encouraged me to face my problems first I sat on the floor with my bag, I texted Carlisle

 _My flight is delayed :( I'm so bored_

 _-BellaXO_

I knew he was in work, but I was surprised and smiled down at his immediate response.

 _I'm sorry to hear that. Wish I was there to make you not bored._

 _-C_

I felt a little naughty as I typed

 _Hmm too bad you're not bored ... I could send you something to make you more ... excited and awake._

 _-BellaXo_

I was already going to the bathroom, to take a picture for Carlisle, so when he texted back-

 _I'm bored to death. Please, wake me up!_

 _-C_

As I locked the bathroom door, I sent him a picture of me, in the mirror, holding my top up, my breasts out of my bra. I even pulled my tongue out, in a playful manner. I felt so naughty and dirty as I did so. So right after the pic, I sent him a seven second video, of me playing with my breasts.

He called me almost instantly.

„Bella ... Bad girls get spanked." He said in a hushed tone. He probably was hiding somewhere. Ohh, I missed the spanking so much.

„You wanted me to wake you up." I said in an innocent voice „But I do agree, I might need a spanking."

„God ... What am I going to do?" He mumbled „If only, I was there." He sang along.

I was about to say something dirty, and that if he was here, I would know what to do, but then someone groped me.

I turned around, ready to yell and break someone's arm.

„Surprise, babe." Carlisle said, with his back-pack on, and his other hand, still holding the phone.

I was speechless, yet I could still yell at him „ Carlisle! You're here! Oh my God!" I jumped up in his arms. I wanted to freak out louder, but I thought that I shouldn't as we were in the airport.

He hugged and kissed my cheek „I know this might be clingy, but Bella, if you want me in San Francisco, I can be there. There is a convention there, tomorrow – I actually have a real excuse to be there, but if you don't-."

„Oh my God! Are you crazy? Shut up." I tried to hold him harder „Besides, I hate flying alone." I smirked at him, as I looked up at him, ending the embrace.

The flight was surprisingly easy on us, as we got on the plane and in the air.

After security, Carlisle and I sat in a cafe, not far from my mother's house. It was almost 10 a.m. And, I thought I could have some spare minutes alone. With my boyfriend. That felt good to say, even if it was in my head.

„Let's have dinner tonight." I said as I sipped hot coco.

„Are you sure? Won't your mother want you for dinner?" Carlisle asked, looking mysterious in his sunglasses.

„My mother ... She has had dinner precisely at five, for all my life. We can have a light, later dinner, at eight, if it's something you're interested in." I licked my lower lip.

„I've been interested in some while now." He took my hand and kissed my palm. I finally felt no doubt.

I felt a light adrenaline rush, as I walked up the stairs of my mother's new house. I've only seen it through skype video call. I barely had knocked my fist on the door, when her new boyfriend opened it.

„You must be Bella." He smiled.

I was about to say something along the lines that he must be too young for my mother, but I held my tongue because I was the one to talk, really. So instead I said, to the dark skinned, young, beautiful man „I am. You must be ..."

„Jacob." He smirked „Come on in. Esme is making lunch."

When I came in, my mother was cooking eggs, while the bread with cheese toasted. Her long, reddish, blond hair tied in a high pony tail, and her tiny strappy top and shorts made her look so young and energetic. She was full of life „Hey mom."

„Ooooh!" she squealed dropping everything and coming my way „My baby is home!" He hugged me „Ugh! It's been too long sweetie."

It was sweet, but so awkward because of the Jacob guy, who was just standing there. At least, he didn't join the hug.

„How was the flight?" She said letting me go, motioning me and Jacob to sit down, as she finished with lunch.

„Better." I said, as I thought about Carlisle and my dinner tonight.

„Are they usually bad?" Jacob said with his mouth full. Who was this guy, anyway? He had his hair in a ponytail!

I didn't even have time to answer him, as mom answered „Oh, Bella hates to fly."

„Mom!" I didn't need her telling him, a guy I didn't even know, my personal stuff.

After the super weird and awkward lunch, on the behalf of Jacob being here and my attitude towards it, I finally got to go up to my room. The room wasn't mine, so to speak because I've never been in it. I guess it was the guest room.

I sat down on the double bed.

I was wondering if I could sneak Carlisle in here, as I fell asleep because of the light jet lag I was feeling.

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	13. Chapter 13

We sat in this diner that looked like it belonged in a university town or something. It wasn't a big surprise, when Jacob said that he had picked the place. It's not like my mother couldn't afford a better place to eat. Thank God, I had planned a late dinner date with Carlisle.

„So, um, Bella. How's school?" My mom asked me. It felt a lot like she was dancing around the subject she either wanted to speak about or wanted to avoid very much ... „You asked me that already on the way here." I smiled „And besides, I've been with my dad for the past days. You know, in New York."

Just then the waitress brought us our food. I had the smallest plate I saw on the menu cad – caesar salad, Jacob had a big, greasy burger and my mother had a sandwich with cheese fries. Wow. Really, what a nice, welcoming meal, Jacob.

Jacob saw my face, and after the waitress left, he asked me, in a super sweet tone „Something's wrong?"

He might have taken my facial expression to heart because he did say something on the way here that this was one of his favourite places to go „Nothing's wrong." I faked a smile, just as they did.

The food wasn't so horrible, in the end, but I still wasn't fed. And, I still got the heebie-jeebies from the low content diner.

My mother had asked every possible question there was to ask, except the ones that involved me being in New York, with my father. It started to piss me off. Why was it so hard for her to ask something about my life that involved Charlie?

It was around the end, when I got really pissed off „So, I'll be headed back to New York on the third, I think." I said matter of fact.

„Oh, that's sweet." She turned away, as if barely listening „Oh, do you want to have something sweet now, Bella? I know-"

I cut her short „Why don't you ask me something about New York, mom? Or how I'm doing with Charlie?"

She flinched lightly and tried to say „It's because I know you're doing alright with everything!"

„Oh, bullshit, mother!" I raised my voice at her, which I almost never did „You don't know shit about how I'm doing in New York, because you never ask!" It was too late for me to stay here anyway, I had a dinner date, in which someone actually wanted to talk to me „Do you know what? Whatever." I stood up „ I'll take a walk, see San Francisco, and I'll see you back at the house. Don't wait up." I left the table with them, just sitting there.

What actually disturbed me, was that none of them were stopping me, or even asking me to stop.

Right when I walked out of the diner, I dialed Carlisle's cell number.

„Bella?" he answered in a chipper tone „Are you already there?" he probably had a good time. My sexy doctor nerd.

„No ... But I am in a walking distance. I think. „ I looked unsurely on the names of the street.

„Oh, I just parked the rental. I can walk towards you, honey." He offered.

And I did accept.

When we finally met, it was so nice to actually act ... no it was actually nice to be a couple. It was really nice to hug and kiss, and show affection towards one another. It felt like a dream to hold his hand in public and lean into him.

I wondered if anyone appreciated the little things in relationships, like showing affection in public, like we did, right now. I don't know if they did appreciate it, but they did throw it in our faces, back in New York. At least it feel like it, when we couldn't

While we walked to the restaurant. And, an actual restaurant, not a fucking diner, he talked about the convention he had been to and what kinds of people he saw.

When I told Carlisle about the Jacob guy, he asked me if my mother loved him.

„Truth be told, I didn't look into it." I said as I sat down to our assigned table „My mother is in love with the idea of love. If she loves him, for God knows what, then ... she doesn't see that he's not good for her. He doesn't bring out the best in her, I think." I wanted to say that he was too young for her, but I would be the one to speak „There's something about him ... I just can't explain it."

He took my hand and kissed it „Please, give your mother the benefit of the doubt." He smiled at me „The two of us know how it is to be judged and hated by people, just by holding hands." He was right.

„That's true." I agreed „I am in no position to judge."

„I don't know how I would make it through this, without you Carlisle. I honestly don't." I kissed his knuckles as he drove me home. I really appreciated him, and I loved him so much „Let's go to your place? It's still early." I took one of his fingers and sucked on it.

His voice was strained „Baby ... Fuck! Won't your mother notice you're gone?" always considerate. Always making sure.

„I'll text her." I tried to calm him, and I took two of his fingers inside my mouth „Don't you want me? Don't you want me to make you feel good?" I asked him, my mouth full of his fingers.

He suddenly made a U turn and we were off to his hotel.

When we walked in, we could barely keep our hands to ourselves. I probably looked like some fresh piece of ass to the hotel staff that he got with, just because he was a hotshot doctor, or something. They were right, when they thought that he was getting some because he was. What they didn't know, was that he was mine. And, I was his.

When we got in the elevator, he pushed me against the wall and I couldn't help, but to wrap my legs around Carlisle's waist, pulling him closer.

„Tell me what you want." He panted in my ear, as he was grinding against me. I could feel him, even through our clothes „Tell me, Bella." He said in his stern voice, as he pinned my arms above my head.

I gasped as his kisses deepened against my neck, right below my ear. The spot that made me soak through any fabric I was wearing and agree to the dumbest things that were proposed to me „I want you to ... Oh, God. I want you to fuck me like you hate me." I gasped through my sentence.

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	14. Chapter 14

No one disturbed us, while we were riding in the elevator and as he was grinding against me. I must have left a wet stain against his pants because of the dress that opened me up to him, and the thin layered panties that I was wearing, were at fault as well, probably.

It was hard for us to move to Carlisle's room because of that.

But somehow we stumbled in his room. My panties possibly did come off before he had unlocked the door...

When we went inside his room, he unzipped my dress so fast, it hit the ground with the speed of light. I was standing in the lobby, only in my lacy, violet bra.

Carlisle pushed me against the wall, his gaze falling against my lips and my eyes „You want me to fuck you, like I hate you?" he demanded in a calm, even soothing tone. I just nodded, smiling – I tried to make a cute, little innocent smile at him.

He put one of his hands-on my shoulder, holding me there, while the other hand traveled from my chest, to my stomach, to my hip. His hand slowly drew little circles on my hip „Mm, I really love you so fucking much." He said right before he kissed me so deep my head spun a little.

The hand that was on my hip, was not flicking and flinching my clit. He stopped kissing me, but his lips were still touching mine as he said „Do you like that?" he asked „You like it when I'm touching you like that?" I nodded and suppressed my moan.

At that, he started to rub it more aggressively, while still holding me against the wall „Fucking show me how much you like it, baby. Show me." He said in a stern voice.

And I let out the most animalistic sound as he rubbed me. I could feel my wetness on my tights and as I felt my orgasm coming on, my knee's buckled. Carlisle then stopped and when I looked at him, he smiled a little smile, but not the kind one „Get on your fucking knees, Bella."

I did as I was said and got on my knees in front of his crotch.

When he didn't make me do anything, I looked up. He had his eyebrow raised at me „Well, Bella. I think you should be polite, shouldn't you? It's rude to make me wait." He opened his belt, which is the hottest thing a man can do, honestly. And, oh god, he looked like an asshole too – that only made my cunt wetter.

I wanted to make him proud. And, if that was by giving him head, then that was that. I unzipped his pants and pulled them down, with his boxers as well.

I rarely say it, but a cock can be so beautiful. And, his definitely was. My mouth watered as I imagined taking him in my mouth, and when I felt him on my tongue and in my mouth, I couldn't help but to moan and work with my hands.

„Oh, shit." he moaned multiple times as I worked my hardest.

I know he appreciated it, when his hands went to my head and held my hair. He then started to move my head much faster and harder, making me gag a little and make me teary-eyed.

Then he pushed me away, before he could come in my mouth. I dried the saliva off of my face with the back of my hand.

„Come here." He motioned me to follow him, as he went to bedroom. When I wanted to stand up, he looked at me dismissively „I didn't say walk. Crawl, baby, crawl."

Even if it did hurt my knees, I did crawl behind him, to the bedroom „Get on the bed." He ordered me.

When I sat down on the big, white, fluffy bed that was full of pillows and a big blanket, Carlisle said „You're so fucking beautiful, Bella."

He came to me and kissed me, as he crawled in the bed, next to me.

So suddenly, my breath didn't leave my body, he pushed me up, so I would be sitting on top of him. I could feel him against my folds „I want to see you, rocking back and forth, up and down. I want to fuck you, but more than that I want to find a rhythm you like, baby." He slowly pushed inside me and I don't think that I've ever missed something so much. I whimpered and he said „That feels good, doesn't it." He buckled his hips, encouraging me.

I started out slow, sliding him in and out, letting my moans out, so he would not only see, but also hear what he did to me. My pace got faster, as the need to satisfy myself grew stronger.

When I started to near my orgasm, I got tears in my eyes. And, he knew I needed it, so he took me by the hips and rocked inside me – hard. He was hitting just the weird, sensitive spot inside me that I liked so much, and I got lost in the feel of him as I came, screaming and holding to the sheets, suffocating Carlisle in my breasts.

I was coming right off, just as he came. He grunted my name and with thrust, he had fucked me in oblivion.

I fell off of him, in total bliss, only noting in my brain that he got rid of the condom, I didn't see him put on. I still was in bed, as he came back and pulled me closer to him.

We sat in silence for a while, until he said „I'm sorry, if I was too tame." Carlisle said in the quiet room „I haven't been in that state of mind, for a year."

I kissed took his hand and his knuckles, as I lay my head against his chest „I think this was great, Carlisle. I think you were great. You make me feel like a princess."

„I love you so much." He whispered in my hair, and I couldn't help, but sigh „If crawling makes you feel like a princess, then I can't wait to make you feel like a queen." He suggested and I laughed. It was true.

I could let loose, and sometimes this is what I needed – control, command and a stern hand. But loving, nonetheless.

„I love you, Carlisle." I said „And, I really don't want to go." It was the truth – I needed to get home before midnight, even if I was an adult, who wasn't living with her mother anymore. I still had respect for the woman, who had brought me into the world, even if I hated her attitude sometimes.

He kissed my forehead „I'll take you, of course."

We didn't move for at least twenty minutes, but I didn't mind that. It felt nice to relax, just the two of us.

When I got dressed, I was still missing my undies. I knew he had them somewhere, the perv, but I didn't argue. My butt wouldn't freeze in his nice rental car. Carlisle was nice enough to give me his jacket, anyway.

But, I had to give it back to him, as he neared my mother's house „Wait, drop me off before it. I don't want my mom to ask questions about whom drove me and whatever comes after that."

He didn't look too happy about that, but he dropped me off, three houses down and I quickly walked to the house.

I did see moms car in the driveway, but the house was dark and empty. They must have been asleep. I looked at my phone, it was only twenty past eleven. It wasn't that late, but I know my mom loved her sleep, so I tip toed in the house.

„Oh, you're home." Jacob scared me as I walked past the kitchen. He was half naked, looking through the fridge.

„Yea. I'm going to bed." I said awkwardly. I might have to answer some questions to my mother, but not to Jacob. He wasn't anything to me, really. He was just my mother boyfriend ... I think. She hadn't said anything.

Just before I could leave, he carried on „You know what's interesting? I feel like you don't like me." I didn't answer him as he kept saying, smirking „And, I might have thought that it was because of my age." I was about to disagree, when he stopped me, coming closer „But, I saw you with much older dude because your mother asked me to follow you. Shit, what is he? Your dad's age?" he laughed and I was stunned in silence „Well, I told your mother that you just walked in a cafe ... alone. I didn't want to put her out just because her little baby was having daddy issues, you know."

„What the fuck are you talking about." I said in a strong voice, when actually I felt sick to my stomach.

He laughed softly again „I wasn't going to say shit, that's what I'm talking about. But then ... I saw a picture, right in the living room there" He pointed towards the room "Do you know who was in that picture?" he asked me sarcastically „It was you, your best friend, your ex-boyfriend and heir dad ... Which, surprisingly, turns out to be the old dude you were probably fucking tonight."

I had tears in my eyes as he came to stand in front of me „So," he carried on „What is miss Isabella going to do, to keep my mouth shut?" He finished speaking as he touched my cheek with his forefinger.

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	15. Chapter 15

I wanted to break his hand. I wanted to punch him right in that face. I wanted to rip that pony tail off and hear him scream. Yet, I didn't say or do anything. I just turned around and went straight to my room. Did he expect me to fuck him? What was wrong with him? He was my mother's something ... I can't say anything to Esme! What am I going to say? 'Hey mom, I know I was acting like shit because you were ignoring the place I live and your boyfriend sucks, oh by the way, talking about your boyfriend, he wanted me to fuck him, so he would keep silent about me fucking Carlisle. Oh, you don't know him, don't worry ... But he is the father of my ex and my friend. Also, I lost my virginity with him, while we're at it! At least now, you will talk to Charlie, I think.'

Fuck. My. Life.

My hands were shaking and tears were streaming down my face. I had to put my palm against my mouth.

What was I about to do?

Should I leave, and go back to New York? I didn't want to, I loved my mother. And, I wanted to spend time with her. But did that mean I should fuck Jacob, to keep him from spilling the beans? I didn't want to do that! Not because I was in love with Carlisle, but because Jacob was a little fucker and my mother meant the world to me.

One thing I did know for sure – I was not going to leave Carlisle. Not again, anyway. And, definitely not for that piece of shit.

I sneaked out of the house, so I could truly be alone, and called Carlisle.

He picked up, in a slightly panicky state „Is everything alright?"

„I guess I'm fine -" I wasn't finished with my sentence, when he butted in.

„I'm coming."

„No!" I panicked „Wait." There was this silent pause for a little while and then I continued „Carlisle ... " too bad I didn't know how to „Jacob, he followed me, when I walked out of the diner and saw us. He um" I started to sob slowly „He said that, he wouldn't say anything to my mom, but then he saw the picture I sent, with you, Alice and Edward and he understood who you were." I was choking on my words.

He took the chance to ask „Baby, did he tell? What happened?" his voice was so calm and soothing, it almost made me cry harder, but I pulled myself together for him.

„No. He touched my face and, and um, he hinted that he would keep silent if I -" I breathed in „- if I fucked him." I blurred out.

I could feel him breathing hard „Did you?" he asked cautiously.

I didn't get angry at that question. Of course he would ask me that – it was only logically „No. Of course I didn't." I dried my tears off „I'm outside the house. What should I do, Carlisle?"

For breakfast I chose a particular outfit. Which wasn't anything special, in my opinion, but I knew how I looked in it. It was because of the tightness in the right spots. Even if it wasn't that warm I wrapped a sweater around my black ¾ sleeve dress.

I felt so dirty, with my tits almost spilling out, on the breakfast table. Especially because I avoided to wear a bra this morning.

I can't say that I liked this, but I did what had to be done.

My mom had made a bunch of French toasts and a big bowl of lettuce salad. She on the other hand, was wearing leggings and an oversized shirt. It probably was Jacob's shirt. Fucking sleazeball, piece of shit.

„Baby ... " my mother said softly, sitting down in front of me „You were right. Yesterday, I mean. I was, still am avoiding the subject of your father and New York. It's just, " she took my hands in his across the table „ It's something I can't talk about, personally, and I'm sorry that you've been feeling neglected because of that." How could such a sweet woman have landed such a shitty guy „I really love you Bella, I don't want to drive you away because of that. I really want you here. I meant that. " she finished, emotionally.

„Mom, I missed you so much." I reached for her across the table, and hugged her.

Of course at that moment Jacob had to come in „Hey, good morning ladies." He walked to my mom, and kissed her cheek „Hey honey, how did you sleep?" he asked her, while looking at me.

„I had a restless night, actually." She pursed her lips. I think it was because I wasn't here, but I didn't ask. „Let me get you breakfast, Jake." She got up to fetch him a plate of the breakfast she had made.

„Hey, Bella ..." Jacob said, leaning closer.

I swallowed my disgust and smiled at him, in the most seductive way possible, leaning in, letting him see everything, I answered „Morning, Jacob."

„ _What should I do, Carlisle?" I asked him, distress evident in my voice._

„ _I don't care if you want this out." He said slowly. But I have debated this – he was the one who would lose so much. I couldn't let that happen._

„ _No." I answered „We need to shut him up. If only I could ..."_

„ _I can."_

 _I didn't know what to say, other than „What's the plan?"_

„ _I don't want you to think about what's the plan. I just need you to do some things, that's it. Keep him busy. He's going to want you to give in. He thinks that you're scared, it doesn't matter if you are. Act like you're not, like you're cool with this." I could hear him pace „I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to flaunt yourself – act interested. Please, don't do anything though." He begged „ If he wants to, say that you're going to, but not now – something about your mother. I promise Bella. I swear on my life, I will take care of this, baby. I love you."_

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	16. Chapter 16

Bella's POV

When I wasn't in a close proximity with Carlsile, I usually tried to be a good girl. I can't say that I tried really hard, but he just brought out a naughty and sometimes even my bad side.

And, I had to be on my best behaviour – doctors orders. Even if the two of us didn't like the situation we or rather I was in, it was best for me to do this. I trusted Carlisle, with everything I had. Even if I didn't know what his plan was, I was a good girl just for him.

And, just like Carlisle had said, it was really easy to wrap Jacob around my finger, rather than stay wrapped around his. Carlisle had said „The trick is to act interested." He was right, that's all it took. A little flirting here and there with a beautiful mixture of tight clothing and he was mine „He's just a boy, Bella – he doesn't understand anything." Carlisle had reassured me.

What I hated and loathed was when he would put his hands on my hips or my lower back, or he would linger when he would hug me. I would feel vomit rising if his touch would stay on me too much.

Most than hate towards Jacob, I felt so sorry for my mom.

I loved her so much and it hurt me that she was with someone so odious and not taking in mind her best interests. Unless, she wanted her boyfriend to blackmail her daughter into fucking her.

I needed to know more about him because I was sure my mom has told things to Jacob about me. I needed the upper hand, even if he was already pudding in mine.

So on the 31th of December, I took my mother out for lunch, before the festivities could start at her house.

„So," I started at the lovely, small yet cozy cafe I took her to „Mom, Jacob ..." I nodded my head, for her to continue.

She laughed a little „Ah, yes. I was waiting for the inquiry. Shoot away, Bella."

I squared my shoulders a bit „Alright, you asked for it. Where did you meet him?"

She pursed her lips „He's actually traveling around US. I met him at the grocery store. He's from Ohio, originally." I didn't want to ask if she wanted to go with him, or if he'd already asked her. I didn't want to feel more pain and sorrow for her.

„How old is he?" I asked the question I wanted to ask since I saw him.

„He's twenty-three." She said, unfazed.

„I have no problem with that, mom." I said, steady „I was just wondering. Even if he would look like he wasn't twenty-three, I would wonder." I made sure she knew that because maybe someday, in the far, far future, Carlisle and I would come out „Umm ... Do you love him? Are you boyfriend/girlfriend?"

She looked away „No, I don't think I love him. We're just ... having fun. But I believe we are keeping things exclusive."

„Thank you, for being honest." I thanked her as I sipped my drink, thinking that Jacob wasn't keeping things fucking exclusive alright. Their perception on exclusive didn't match at all.

She took a bite from her cheesecake, then she said „I have to say, Bella. You're being very mature about this." She noted.

I just nodded my head. I wasn't about to say why I didn't mind the age difference in a relationship, or that she was having fun fucking a younger guy. Because, I did that when I was eighteen and a virgin. Yet, I don't think she wanted to know that.

After we had finished our pastries and warm drinks, we went back to my mother's house, to get ready. This would be one hell of a night.

„Will I have a midnight kiss?" Jacob whispered in my ear, as we returned.

Before he could pull back, I whispered to him „Oh, baby, you're going to get something more than just a kiss" I didn't even hide my grimace of disgust with him. I don't think that he put any thought behind my facial expressions as he smiled at my innuendo that he saw as a promise.

People would gather at my mother's place around nine in the evening, so we started to get ready after we had gotten some legit food in our bellies.

I didn't have to wonder if I would see Carlisle tonight because I know I would – he had promised me. So, I decided to go all out and about, making the most of everything I had brought with me. I curled my hair, and made them look like I was either running in the woods or had rough, wild sex – for the old times sake. I knew Carlisle would love it. And, in the spirit of festivities, I decided to make a sparkly, smoky eye and applied dark purple lipstick.

When I came to the airport, I didn't know that I would be seeing Carlisle here, so I decided to get something sexy-er for the party, today. I lied to my mom, when she had asked me if I didn't bring a party outfit. I told her I left it on the hanger in my room.

Instead I got black skinny jeans, and a champagne coloured bandeau top, with a little skirt like effect. I completed my look with knee high, black, high heeled boots, with beautiful black, shiny jewelry on my neck and my fingers.

I was ready to go out, twenty minutes past nine, which was fine because this wasn't my party. When I walked out, my mother was talking to a handsome man, not the boy she was currently dating. When she noticed me in sight, she motioned me to come over „And, this is my daughter Isabella. Bella, meet Phil. He's our new neighbor."

Phil looked hot. Why wouldn't she pick someone like him „Oh, hi!" I shook his hand „Nice to meet you Phil."

„ It's nice to meet you. Well, you two could be sisters!" he said to my mom „How old were you when you had her? Three?" my mom laughed and blushed and I just played along, happy that Jacob wasn't around here to ruin the moment.

„How long have you lived here?" Phil asked us.

„Oh, I moved here a couple of years back." She looked at me „And, Bela here has been living with her father, in New York, since she was a teen." I was surprised that she had addressed that with a stranger because she had trouble addressing it only with me.

„Um, I'm actually studying in California, as of this September." I said, still a little shocked, but that didn't matter as I smiled at her.

„That's really interesting." He answered.

But, before I or my mother could answer him, Jacob came in view. His long hair was pulled back into a bun, as he usually kept his hair, and he was wearing everything black – the opposite of his usual colourful and childish outfits. If I wouldn't want to cut his dick off, I would consider to say that he didn't look bad.

I didn't want my mom to stop flirting with her new neighbor, so I didn't really have to consider my next move, even if I knew that I would regret it immediately.

I excused myself from conversation and went up to him.

„You look so fucking hot, Bella." He said as I walked up „Your tits look so amazing." His approach to flirting and chatting up women was so vulgar. We as any other human, liked that someone played us compliments. What we didn't like was the way it was said – he didn't want to compliment me because I really did look good, he complimented me because he wanted to fuck me. And, even if I liked to know that I was fuckable, it didn't mean that all the scum of earth thought I wanted to hear it.

So, now you understand the restrain I had not to roll my eyes and slap him, while doing so. I decided to say „Hey." Instead.

„So ..." one of his eyebrows lifted as he looked expectantly at me .„What? You're sober as a judge." I quickly thought.

„So are you." He winked.

I made a face at him „Jacob, hunny, I've had like three drinks already. You should get on my level – then we'll talk." I winked at him.

Rest of the night I watched him drink so much that by the time it was midnight, he was barely standing up outside as we were and fifteen other people together, were watching the beautiful fireworks in the sky and the tragedy that

He was mumbling shit that no one really understood and that made no sense. I could see my mom scowling at him, as she was ignoring him at the same time. She was angry at him and that made me feel better because my mom should be mad at that dick. The last time I saw them speak was, when mom yelled at him that she didn't want to see him, not if he sobered up.

It was around two am that my mom asked me „Hey, do you know where Jacob is?" she had been the best hostess in the universe tonight – mingling and having endless amount of champagne.

After everyone had gone inside the house, Jacob had stayed behind. Maybe he was trying to regain his thoughts or maybe he couldn't really walk in the house. I didn't care „No, sorry, I haven't."

Carlisle's POV

„Happy New Year, Dr. Cullen." Bella said over the phone „When am I going to see you?" it was around three a.m. and she sounded pouty. I've been very busy and I really did want to see her after the crazy night I had. I was finally free and able to call her.

„Do you want me to come over?" I asked her. I had missed her so much, especially tonight.

She thought about it a little „There are still a lot of people here. Maybe you could pick me up?"

„Of course. I'll be there in twenty." I answered her, as I got in my car, and drove to her mother's house.

I couldn't believe I had gotten Bella back in my life. I was the luckiest man alive – at least it felt like that. In no way in hell was I going to let a greasy, morally deranged guy to ruin anything that Bella and I had, especially now. And, for her I will do anything.

As I neared her mother's house, and I saw her, I knew that I was a goner.

I would do anything for this girl.

A/N – Hi! I wanted to say that I loved every review you had to give. I've been sick for the past two weeks, but I am back!


	17. Chapter 17

I jumped in Carlisle's car as fast as I could, and he sped away from mom's house. I didn't buckle up, but leaned into him and kissed his cheek, whispering „Thank you."

He smirked, not really looking away from the road „For what?"

„Being here." I snuggled his neck, before letting him go and buckling up.

„I love you." He said to me, still smiling.

I couldn't help but to feel my love for him ... And, I couldn't help my hand that wondered to his waist. That got his attention, as his eyes wondered off the road to my hand, to my face.

„I missed you." I answered his smirk.

„How was the party?" he asked me, as he missed a STOP sign. He might have acted as if I wasn't pulling a move on him, but he did show it, in the urgency of his actions.

I didn't stop touching him, as I answered „It was fun, you know except for the whole Jacob thing." I cupped him „I actually made him drunk and I think he passed out somewhere."

He nodded to himself after that and I know he wasn't paying any attention to my wandering hand anymore. That made me think. He did promise to make Jacob go away. And, Jacob didn't return, from wherever he went. What exactly had Carlisle done?

I did want to ask Carlisle about Jacob, but then he pulled up to his hotel and kissed me. My mind and body didn't wait a second longer to respond to the kind of attention I wanted, from the man I loved. I know I was crazy to even think that, let alone act on it – I know he had to be a little crazy too, to have a relationship with someone more that twice my age. But it worked for us – it might have not worked before, but it did work brilliantly now.

As my safety belt sprang free, I jumped into Carlisle's lap, straddling him „I've been thinking about you all night." I kissed his jaw „I've missed you, so much!" And I didn't mean it that I had missed him just tonight. I had missed him the whole year we were apart. Even if that did turn out for the better now, I never wanted to leave him again.

He moaned as I kissed that sweet spot under his ear „If you keep this up, we will never leave the car." He warned me.

I smiled to myself „We used to have fun in cars, remember?" I bit the spot, lightly.

He then grabbed my ass, and thrust forward, closing any space between us that was left „I can't really get your jeans off because of your boots, honey." He said in a sweet tone, when I knew he wanted to be anything but „And, I want to see you properly." He opened his door and I got off of him and out of the car. When we walked to the elevator, holding hands I couldn't help but to think about us. It was weird to think of him as a father and as a family friend, when we were actual lovers.

In the elevator, Carlisle leaned in and said „You look unbelievable, Bella."

Even if I've been in the most naughty scenarios with this man, my cheeks still blushed in gratification.

When we walked into his room, he made me spin around for him – to show him what I was wearing in full appreciation. He whistled and said „I wonder what you're wearing under that."

I got a great idea and I said „You don't have to wonder for long."

As I neared the bathroom, I heard him yell after me „Leave the boots on!"

I felt ultra powerful as I walked out in black lace and my knee high boots. I found him sitting on his sofa, looking at his hands, like he wasn't interested. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I found that extremely hot.

When he looked up, he still looked asshole'y „Happy New Year indeed." He made the twirling motion with his fingers and I obliged, spinning slowly for him.

I didn't feel conscious of my body, as Carlisle was practically eating me with his eyes.

„Come here." He ordered me and I was happy to do so „Get on your needs, love." It was the first time he had called me love and I didn't even think as I dropped to my knees in front of the man I love.

He leaned his face in mine „You look beautiful."

„I love you." I answered him back, and then he leaned back, relaxing in the sofa.

I smiled at him as he said „You wanted to fuck me in my rental. And, now, nothing?"

„I'm following orders, Mr. Cullen." I bit my lip. I loved to play this game with him.

He smiled and nodded „Smart girl." He patted his lap „Come over here."

I felt so dirty as I crawled in his lap from the floor, only in my lingerie and boots. The word 'daddy' came to mind. I know we had played and joked about it before, but dear god, it was so appropriate, at this time. I should talk with him about that later.

As I sat on his lap, he pulled my hair out of my face „I love you too, Bella." His palm slowly slid to my breasts, and he gently pinched my nipple „You know what's great about a hotel room – when I make you feel good, you don't have to keep silent. Now, stop biting that lip."

I played with him, poutingly saying „Make me."

I didn't even have time to think, as he bounced me on his knee and I fell on him, face first, on his other leg. He suddenly slapped my butt and I yelped „You need to understand, when I tell you to do something-" another slap „you need to do it. Do you understand?" Another slap. I was a feminist and in another situation I would have told the person to fuck off.

But this was play time. So, I answered „Yes."

That didn't stop him from spanking my but again „Yes, what?"

„Yes, Mr. Cullen." I gasped as he pulled a finger inside me. It felt so good – he knew the right places to touch me.

„I like the sound of that." He slapped my butt, with his other hand. He really was talented with his hands – obviously he was a doctor. „Say that again."

„Yes, Mr. Cullen!" I yelled in total bliss, as he pushed another finger inside me, as he fingered me more roughly „Oh, my God! Please don't stop." Just as I said that, he stopped and slapped my bum again.

„Sit up, baby." He helped me sit back up, on his lap.

I couldn't help but to want his fingers back in, so I looked him right in the eye as I took his hand and licked his fingers. By the look, and the feel of him, he was done with the foreplay, as was unbuckled his belt and then he froze „Shit." He mumbled.

„What happened?"

„I forgot the condom." My face dropped so suddenly. I was not about to lose this!

„You can just ... you know, pull out, or I can use the morning after pill." I dropped back to my knees. I wasn't about to beg, but I knew he liked me in this position, especially between his legs. I was about to get fucked tonight – in the best way possible.

His brow furrowed because I know he was thinking about, even if he said „You know I'm a doctor – I strongly advise against the pull-out method."

I pouted at him again „I'm wet and it's starting to get cold." I rested my head against his pants, feeling him being hard „Warm me up, please."

I didn't have to wait for long, as he pulled me up, kissing me. I didn't have to say anything, as I sat on his lap, my legs on either of his side. This was the first time I was about to have unprotected sex! When he pulled inside me, I gasped at the real feel of him.

It felt so different „Oh my God!" I gasped as I slowly adjusted to him.

„Fuck! Bella. You're not cold at all." I smiled a little at that.

He then started to move inside me and soon enough he was ravaging me. I wasn't holding back, just like he liked it.

I was in total bliss as he was inside me. When he grunted „I'm not going to last long!"

In the same, breathless voice I answered „Don't stop, please don't stop!"

He then leaned in and sucked my breast as he rubbed my clit. I loved that he always put my need in front of his. He always made sure I was always feeling good. And, being around other guys, this was actually rare as hell! Sure, we had our own issues and problems, but the things he was willing to do for me, was astonishing.

I came, screaming „Fuck, yes, don't stop Mr. Cullen, yes!" He didn't take long, as I said „I want you to come inside me. Come Carlisle." I don't know what possessed me to say that, but suddenly I wanted him to come. I don't know why.

But he did it and it was such a weird feeling to experience. He buried his face in my neck as he gasped „That felt too good, to be true."

I smiled and slowly felt tears welling up in my eyes. When Carlisle looked at me, a horrified expression crossed his face „Did I fucking hurt you?" he touched my face „Why didn't you say anything?"

I sniffled „You didn't hurt me." I laughed through my newly formed tears „You made me feel really good, Carlisle."

He hugged me „That's good then, Bella. I'm happy that I made you feel happy."

After he helped me clean up, which I really needed actually, and Carlisle said that that was hot, we snuggled against each other in his giant bed, we didn't even make it to.

Carlisle made sure I was clean, alright and warm as we got in his bed.

„We'll get you the pill in the morning, alright?" he asked me as he hugged me from behind.

He fell asleep so quickly, I was surprised. But as great the sex was, I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to make some tea and watch some television.

I wanted to relax and maybe fall asleep faster.

But what I saw on news, made me want to puke up my tea. I turned the volume on the news channel up _„And the young man's body was identified as Jacob Black, who had drunk himself to death. We advise you to drink responsibly, reporting for -"_

My ears started to ring as I started mumble to Carlisle, to wake up.

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	18. Chapter 18

Bella's POV

„Carlisle – Carlisle," I shook him awake „Jacob is dead. Oh my God." I was so shocked. What was happening? Did my mom know? Should I go home? Was he that drunk? Should I have done something to prevent this? I was starting to shake with sudden anxiety.

Holy fuck ... I made him drink ... I told him to drink, and he got sloppy drunk because of me. And, now he was ... „Oh my God! Carlisle! Wake up!" I screamed.

When Carlisle finally responded with a „What's happening, Bella?"

„I killed him, Carlisle. I killed him." I looked at him and the face I was making probably wasn't the finest because he immediately was awake, as he sat up.

„Who?" he asked, cautiously.

I pointed to the TV, rapidly „Jacob! He drank himself to death. They told so on the news. And, I told him to drink, if he wanted to get with me – I just wanted him passed out!" I was starting to shake more and more. There was no way I was getting any sleep now. Or ever again. What's going to happen?

Carlisle put his hands around me, holding me strongly „Oh, Bella ... I don't want you to ever worry about this, and think that it's your fault – because it's not. Everything's taken care of. You're alright."

Even if I was shocked, my mind raced, with questions for him I had before „Carlisle ... What did you exactly do?" I tried to look at his face, but he just stared at the television „Carlisle! What did you do?"

Carlisle's POV

 _30th december_

„Dr. Cullen – good to see you again." He said as soon as he saw me.

„Phil! How have you been?" I said as I shook his hand, sitting down in the hotel's bar.

He smiled a bit „It's a busy time of the year, but I'm grateful. And, thanks to you Carlisle. If it wasn't for your skilled hands ..." he shook his head „So, what am I doing here today?" he relaxed in his seat „You were pretty unclear on the phone, yet here I am."

I slid an envelope towards him, with Jacob's picture and Esme's address, where Jacob was staying „I need you to find out anything you can about this kid."

He opened the envelope and looked at the picture „Alright then. I'm glad that you're cashing in the favour now, rather than later."

I smiled a little „I'm a good doctor, Phil. But I am sorry that I am calling the favour in such a short notice and in the holiday season."

He waved his hand, dismissing me „It's always a short notice and it's easier to do in the holiday season. People always do shitty things on holidays – it's either to other people," he pointed at me „or to themselves. Like alcohol or drugs, or commit suicide because everything can be too much." He talked so easy about this, it became more eerie than it already was.

„I don't need you to do anything to him, just find some dirt and get him out of the woman's life he's staying with." I drank my drink. Was it too early for a whiskey? I didn't care right now.

„So ... Do you love the woman?" he asked, putting the picture back in the envelope and in his jacket.

I laughed „I've never met her." I saw his face and continued „He's making trouble with another one ... " I shifted uncomfortably „With her daughter."

He made a little o with his mouth „And, you're interested in the daughter. You have to tell me if the daughter likes him. I need to know about any and if there will be complications."

„No. I'm together with Bella." I shook my head „He's a liability to our relationship and he's been harassing and threatening her." I breathed in „I'm doing this for her"

 _31th december_

„He's a scumbag, Carlisle. He has multiple rest warrants for him for fraud, kidnapping, raping and more." Phil said over the phone „His usual victim are middle aged women too. He's not one of a kind, but his kind needs to be terminated."

I was looking out the window. Phil was a professional and he's seen and done things, for him to say that it was the right decision to put the puppy down ... „Will it hurt me or Bella? And, our families?" I asked him.

„It shouldn't. He's a young adult, who will probably have a good amount of drinks tonight, at a New Year's Eve party. Who's to say that he knows when to stop drinking?" His voice didn't miss a beat.

I was going to do anything for her „What's the plan?"

Bella's POV

 _now_

Carlisle got up from the bed and I watched in a weird fascination, guessing what will happen next.

„I took care of the situation, Bella. I don't want you to worry. Or think that it's somehow your fault because it isn't. Jacob Black brought this on himself." He paced.

„Brought what on himself? Death?" my voice got louder „I thought I knew you, but I don't. Who the fuck are you?" I said as tears welled up in my eyes.

„You think you understand everything!" He yelled at me. I saw him breath in, to calm himself down. He dragged his fingers through his blond hair and in his calm, collected voice he said „He's been doing this for a long, long time Bella. He meets lonely, older women and then he scams them somehow. After he's done with them, he moves to a different city – that's how he's been traveling around. And, that's not even the worst part of him, Bella!" He sat down on my side of the bed, looking on the ground „I don't want to tell you everything because I love you. But I want you to know that my hands are clean and you don't need to worry about this anymore. Jacob Black did this himself. "

I breathed in and Carlisle took my hands in his „I ... I'm sorry I yelled at you." I mumbled. My emotions were all around. Did Carlisle kill him? No ... Did Carlsile hire someone to kill him? I was too afraid to ask the question.

He hugged me „Don't be. I should have given you a heads up. It's my fault, really."

I wiggled free of the hug, and he touched my cheek as I said „There's so much shit happening around us. We can't kill everyone Carlisle. You understand how that is bad, right?"

He smiled „I know wrong from right, Bella. I do." His small smile disappeared „But Jacob. Did. This. To. Himself. No one forced him, no one poured it down his throat."

I nodded, listening to him. He was right. And, it actually felt good to know that he was no more here. I don't know what kind of a person I was, but I was glad he wouldn't hurt my mom or any other woman „I think ... I think we need to get home."

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